Category: poetry

• identity first

  Policing my language

  When I speak of my identity

  Is simply unacceptable 

  The culture may decree

  Whatever it wants about words

  But I decree what is true for me

  You may think you know better

  But I get to choose what I call myself

  If you can dare to listen to my words

  If you decide to respect my choice

  I might believe your trying to understand

  I might believe you care about I.

  2022-04-11

  Poem, poetry

  ---

• Curiosity Denied

  Curiosity liked to stroll the streets

  Eager to know their neighbors

  One days Curosity noticed a new house

  Privacy was out mowing its lawn

  Privacy saw earnest Curiosity in the distance 

  Privacy went inside and drew the curtains

  Curiosity rushed to the unfamilar door

  Curiosity turned the knob, but it was locked

  Curiosity was used to strolling in, uninvited

  But Curiosity was also a bit of a flake

  And once interest warned, Curiosity left

  Other neighbors coped in their own ways

  Intimacy didn’t find Curiosity reliable

  Often annoyed by their inconsistancy

  Curiosity didn’t really respect Boundaries

  Even when Boundaries built a gate

  Curiosity just climbed right over it

  So now Boundaries avoided Curiosity

  But Privacy was new and interesting

  Curiosity called out, pounding at the door

  Privacy persistently didn’t answer

  Curiosity got louder, demanding to be let in

  Night rolled in and finally Curiosity left

  In the dark of night, Privacy stepped outside

  Boundaries walked down the dim street

  Boundaries stopped in eyesight of Privacy

  Boundaries waited for Privacy to wave

  A bit later, Intimacy walked down the street

  Privacy looked for Boundaires blessing

  Feeling reassured, Privacy waved at Intimacy

  Standing outside, in companionable silence,

  They felt bad about excluding Curiosity

  But not bad enough to invite Curiosity over

  So the three new friends went inside

  And Privacy locked the door behind them.

  2022-04-05

  Poem, poetry

  ---

• Doctors are the villian in my story

  As a kid, I coughed until I threw up my dinner

  Screamed from painful ear infections

  Spend school lunch in the nurses office

  Wet my pants heading for the toilet

  As a preteen, they sent me to a psychiatrist

  To sort out my runny nose and cough

  The psychiatrist told me to “do better”

  To stop making my mom’s life hard

  As a teen, the truant officer came to the door

  Mom told me to go to school achy

  The school wouldn’t take her notes anymore

  Wait until the nurses office sent me home

  As an adult, my boss told me to show up

  Coworkers got mad when I came to work sick

  Doctor wrote me a note with an end date

  But I was still sick when I returned to work

  I’m old now and Doctors blame my age

  To few symptoms and they ignore me

  To many symptoms and they dismiss me

  If I wait too long to visit they shame me

  What I’ve learned is that doctors make me cry

  I don’t expect to be healthy anytime soon

  But I’m pretty good at surviving while ill 

  Expert level at hiding my sick.

  2022-03-29

  Poem, poetry

  ---

• Closed to the public

  You don’t get to decide 

  If my truth holds merit 

  Your curiosity isn’t owed

  Just because I’m different 

  You have no right to my story

  My privacy is a closed door

  You don’t deserve an explanation

  Just because I mentioned me

  If you really think you’re owed

  Then your priveledge is showing 

  The only thing you own is you

  I’m not giving tours to me today.

  2022-03-22

  Poem, poetry

  ---

• Atoms in this galaxy

  No more than ants to an elephant

  Or a spec of sand to the sun

  That us the only way I can see

  Comparing ourself in this universe

  Some propose a greater being

  A greater intelligence to design

  But then they have the hubris to think

  It speaks to us all, it listens to us all

  That it cares more for some than others

  My thoughts lean toward existential dread

  I dont think the galaxy speaks to me 

  There is no one tuned in to my silent pleas

  I can be grateful for my unique existence 

  And agnostic to my place in this universe.

  2022-03-15

  Poem, poetry

  ---

• my priveledge

  First world

  White middle class

  Well educated

  This is not bragging 

  This is my priveledge 

  I didn’t earn these

  I am not superior

  These are my benefits

  My unfair source of power

  I wish I could share them

  But all I can do is be aware

  That I have things others don’t

  Removing the barriers I can

  And admitting my bias 

  This isn’t fair or right

  It’s just the world I live in.

  2022-03-08

  poetry

  ---

• Carrying these under eye bags

  When allergies bruise my face

  With deep set racoon eyes

  Meds only help so much

  Only time and sleep can fix

  The curse my body lives with

  These puffy, achy pains of existing

  Doing too much or doing to little

  There is no win, only compromise

  I avoid what I can and live moderately

  But yesterday the world beat me me up

  And now my body’s bullied into submission

  These deep purple circles under my eyes

  Tell me today I need to rest.

  2022-03-07

  Poem, poetry

  ---

• uninspired

  A fine whine comes at the time

  When inspiration is in decline

  I use fire to fuel my brain

  Fill the furnace with my pain

  Wait for the watched pot to boil

  Hold my breath until it uncoils 

  Step away to let it simmer

  Smoke’ll let me know when it’s dinner.

  2022-03-01

  Poem, poetry

  ---

• hurt feelings

  It’s true my feelings are my own

  And only I can choose to feel hurt

  But the shock is none the less

  When reality defies expectation

  A tone of cruel dismissal

  Harsh words swaddled in sweetness

  The unevenness stings sharply

  I feel hurt by what you aimed at me

  There is no opening to demand better

  To ask reason from a mouth that bruises

  At best I can choose to move on

  You have no say in my feelings.

  2022-02-22

  Poem, poetry

  ---

• Corporate dissonance

  Managers have to be the best

  They have to climb a ladder

  Compete to get to the top

  Disability is a disadvantage

  We are trying to survive

  We innately don’t fit in

  Reasonable accommodation

  Requires disability to expose need

  To get assistance we have to ask

  We have to explain our weakness

  This corporate paradigm

  The culture of management

  Conflicts with the reality of disability

  It’s like expecting wolves

  To see the sheep’s point of view

  And then stubbornly confused 

  when the wolf sees the sheep

  As a meal when it’s time for dinner.

  2022-02-15

  Poem, poetry

  ---

• rare collectibles

  Extroverts collect friends

  They must have them all

  Introverts search for rare

  They want that perfect match

  Is it better to care for the world

  Or restrict to the right fit

  Who can say what works right

  Except for each one of us.

  2022-02-08

  Poem, poetry

  ---

• Maybe different isn't unique

  I’m ordinary and special, as are we all

  Not superior, as some think I claim

  I stand out as much as I choose

  Sometimes not hiding from view

  My truth is defined by myself

  It isn’t up for debate or editorial

  Long as I’m not causing intentional harm

  I am worthy of my life in this world

  Others may have limited perspective

  Drawing a clear box around their existence 

  I wish I could coax them out to see

  But theirs isn’t my choice to make

  I believe minutia means there is more

  The details make this world interesting

  So I’m going to enjoy this life I get

  My tiny bit of time in this universe.

  2022-01-25

  Poem, poetry

  ---

• everyday hurts

  Wailing aches

  Screaming pains

  My body yells a story

  It loudly complains 

  Like a whining infant

  My body doesn’t care

  The world infects me

  Through the evil air

  In the food I eat

  Just sitting here

  Can’t escape malaise

  Can’t make me better

  Existence isn’t fair.

  2022-01-18

  Poem, poetry

  ---

• cringe

  I may make you uncomfortable

  With the way I wear myself

  Daring to be awkward and rude

  Speaking my oddly personal truth

  Showing off my imperfect art

  Refusing to hide my broken body

  Maybe it’s cringy to be me

  I wish for you my self esteem.

  2022-01-11

  Poem, poetry

  ---

• deep or a above

  Being the biggest root

  Doesn’t make you a leaf

  A leaf soaks it up the sun

  Living idly in the soft wind

  Us roots are underground 

  Deep in the dark dirt

  A serf to the whole of the tree

  We serve the same master

  But we aren’t in the same place

  We can’t always escape our position

  But we can be aware of it.

  2022-01-04

  Poem, poetry

  ---

• suffer the introvert

  Mingling is abhorrent

  Torture of the introvert

  A room full of strangers

  Filling space with polite words

  As if the air shouldn’t be empty

  Awkward introductions

  Iike a poorly timed cold call

  Leading to stilted exchanges

  The funny ones perform

  And the shy ones hover

  And I just sit in my corner

  Waiting for the gathering to end.

  2021-12-28

  Poem, poetry

  ---

• entitled

  Entitled is a companion of priveledge

  A mistaken belief that the world is fair

  An accusation suggesting there is a right

  But the world is a complex system

  And there is no proven design

  We’re a cog in this invisible machine

  Can’t predict when a wrench is thrown in

  Or unexpected deviation from the norm

  The metaphoric world doesn’t care

  You may have support to stop your suffering 

  But that bring us back to priveledge

  Priveledge isn’t the world being right or fair

  This is the world tilted in your favor

  Entitlement is the belief that tilt is owed.

  2021-12-21

  Poem, poetry

  ---

• value of a penny

  Capitalism and colinization

  Fancy words for money and power

  We own, and merge, and buyout

  Then promote the owners like it’s a gift

  Appropriate what we can’t destroy

  Destroy the parts that don’t get along

  Bland consumerism is the peak

  Thinking our entitled selves are unique

  A few live on the work of many

  The many suffer the value of a penny.

  2021-12-07

  Poem, poetry

  ---

• risk

  Tisk tisk

  Taking a risk

  Straddling fear

  And making a mess

  Daring exception

  In a purposeful life

  So easy to start

  Shocked by the stop

  Swearing never again

  Trying not to look back

  With a sinking heart

  Here comes regret.

  2021-11-30

  Poem, poetry

  ---

• lady power

  Soft womanly demeanor

  Deferring to another

  Setting an extra plate

  Inviting to strangers

  Strength in giving

  An open door isn’t weak

  Holding it open is power.

  2021-11-23

  Poem, poetry

  ---

• anxious thoughts

  Outside they tell me not to dread

  Relax. Calm down. Don’t fret.

  But the competing voices in my head

  Speak louder than they get

  Like an uncomfortable party

  With a dysfunction family

  These are the thoughts I live with

  And you can’t explain them away

  No words will stop my ruminating 

  Dismissing me just pisses me off.

  2021-11-16

  Poem, poetry

  ---

• body ached

  My body makes me pay

  Too much fun or too little

  Either way I get to suffer

  It’s hard to have good memories 

  When they’re all followed by bad days

  Pain follows around my search for joy

  As a rain cloud eager to soak me

  So I have to be okay in wet clothes

  I have to smile as I shiver 

  Because there is no escaping my body

  It’s with me forever.

  2021-11-09

  Poem, poetry

  ---

• daily news

  They tell salacious stories 

  Entertainment from pain

  We seek tales of outliers

  Dull doesn’t garner clicks

  Thinking, “Not in my back yard”

  Desensitized to the exception

  Fueling a 24 hour news cycle 

  Happy doesn’t sell papers

  Reality can’t compete with fear

  Horrible seems imminent 

  We made this bed of terror

  Good news just isn’t exciting

  The world is full of stories

  We ignore logic and reason

  We’re jaded by what we hear

  We listen, glued to our chair.

  2021-11-02

  Poem, poetry

  ---

• companionable silence

  The silence is calming

  The together is silent

  We do our own things

  Together but seperate 

  As we sit side by side

  Words aren’t needed

  No need to fill the void

  Companionship fills it.

  2021-10-26

  Poem, poetry

  ---

• forgiving myself

  I don’t want to be mad

  At your lies and deception

  You lied to you and then to me

  You bought your own fake story

  You believed deception can be right

  And I believed in the fake you

  I bought you line and sinker

  Wondered why I was drowning

  Until I swam myself to shore

  Now I see you treading water

  Calling for me to come back in

  You know I can’t swim anymore

  I’m sad that you can’t change

  Mad at myself for wanting to believe

  I don’t want to be angry anymore

  I want to be dry and leave the shore

  So, I leave the sea behind me

  Forgiving the person I was

  Not forgetting the person you are.

  2021-10-20

  Poem, poetry

  ---

• We won't silence me

  Can you find comfort without opression 

  Be free without smothering others

  Leave space for a different viewpoint

  Why is it your way or the highway

  When we each have our own roof

  Independent brain mushy with electric smarts

  Is conversion the only option

  Or can we live cohesive amongst individuals 

  I won’t proselytize if you dont evangelize 

  Maybe I’m hoping for too much

  That we can live each seperate and together

  I’ll keep trying to stop we from silencing me.

  2021-10-14

  Poem, poetry

  ---

• Which Witch

  The mistake was believing in magic

  The cat knew this, the human was oblivious

  Lady smelled of sandlewood oil

  With hints of laundry soap and human skin

  Even in the fragrant outdoor garden 

  Cat could smell her human

  On an alter with precious knick knacks

  Lady focused her attention

  The cat took pity on the powerless human

  With a loving rub of feline scent

  Cat let Lady sway the world a tiny bit

  This wasn’t rabbit or dog or bird power

  It was the sneaky magic of a cat

  The fiercly loyal love of a feral feline

  Not that any human would notice

  Brains get in the way of intuition

  Magic is animal, a knowing without thinking

  So Lady went on with her ritual

  As Cat stalked a beam of sunlight

  Lady thought of cat as her familiar

  But only cat knew who held the power.

  2021-10-11

  Poem, poetry

  ---

• passive voice

  You tell me not to say I’m sorry

  You demand that I stand up for myself

  Maybe I’m okay with the words I say

  Maybe you should be patient anyway

  What if I like being soft and inviting

  What if I choose not to dominate

  Your active voice rules the world

  Giving notes on my life and my choices

  Is it really rebelling to match your tone

  Or perhaps defiant to choose my own

  My words encourages others to speak

  Just because you try to put me in my place

  Doesn’t mean I’m the one that’s weak.

  2021-10-07

  Poem, poetry

  ---

• faulty form

  This is body, this is my skin,

  These are the walls I live in

  Not a rich house, nor a pretty one,

  At least you’d think I’d get function

  Dreary walls with faulty foundation

  Stands up to the weather, barely

  I put pictures up to decorate

  But still find I can’t escape

  This is my home and my prison.

  2021-10-05

  Poem, poetry

  ---

• genders gauche gift

  A picturesque pose for a painter

  An abject object thought owned

  A gender gentile and grateful

  A sex sinful with sentiment

  A mask mimiking remorse

  A tribute trite and untrue

  A lot lost to the lesser

  A rebel reticent to remain.

  2021-09-30

  Poem, poetry

  ---

• wilted words

  Why is it the art I like 

  Not the art I write

  I read away each day

  And find the words I splay

  Aren’t flattering imitation

  Or flat out derivative

  I wish my words hit true

  Instead meander they do

  My style is less than clasic.

  2021-09-16

  Poem, poetry

  ---

• what youth knows

  When we were young we knew things

  Things the old us can’t know

  Not pinned down by past failure

  Not aware of cumulative experience

  Our young selves had spaces to fill

  The adventure of not understanding

  Belief that we’re the exception to the rule

  An eagerness to foolishly defy advice

  A chance to not realize you may fail

  You can’t re-manufacture a first

  Exerience sets asside the failed path

  Chooses to focus on doing what works

  Age is a blindness of its own

  Ignorant to youthful possibilites.

  2021-09-11

  Poem, poetry

  ---

• give or take

  If I am to be if service

  I give it to my community

  I give it to those who love me

  I don’t offer myself for free

  I’m not here for you to take from

  When you offer nothing in return

  A relationship is made of two

  While a theif can take from one

  Survival requires corporate participation 

  But my self is worth more than money

  Not here to preform a free show

  Approval isn’t the wealth I seek.

  2021-09-09

  Poem, poetry

  ---

• #GlorifyingObesity

  Fat is just a word

  But it’s taken as offense

  Thin is just a word

  But it’s taken as a compliment 

  My size is somehow valued

  Appearance a rank of worth

  When I’m accused of being fat

  I’m supposed to be hurt

  But what if I view my body

  On my own terms and conditions

  What if I can see my body positively

  And reject your derision 

  I ask you to give up your judgement

  I live as an example of fat liberation

  I show you how I found love for myself

  On my journey of size acceptance 

  You may call this glorifying obesity

  And I may call you fatphobic

  Now those words sit between us

  We’ve both built this roadblock

  I’m glorifying self acceptance 

  I’m setting these clear boundaries

  My journey rejects your judgement

  You can’t take away my self esteem.

  2021-09-06

  Poem, poetry

  ---

• life's bubble

  Simple little life

  May seem so small

  Even a tad uninteresting

  But you can’t see inside

  Ideas swimming in an ocean

  World’s blooming in my head

  Endless wonder generated by myself

  Consuming words, videos, spoken stories

  Second hand experience is enough

  Creating new landscapes within

  The acreage of my life is tiny

  But my mind is never hungry

  My bubble is enough

  Made for me

  By me.

  2021-09-04

  Poem, poetry

  ---

• together there is we

  I’m not going to shame you

  For fitting in or standing out

  Being quiet or being loud

  You should be you

  I suggest that you

  Take care of yourself first

  Understand we are different

  Love yourself before me

  I willfully take care of myself

  I see my worth independantly

  But hope for a loving companion

  So that together there is a we.

  2021-09-02

  Poem, poetry

  ---

• bus line adventures

  The bus was my freedom

  A day pass, a book, and snack money

  I could ride the line and back

  On my own private adventure

  My peers wanted cars and parties

  I wanted an empty seat for my backpack

  An easy transfer between bus lines

  A covered bench for rain or shine

  Walking through massive parking lots

  An urban forest of concrete and strip mall’s 

  Me and my paperback resting on a bench

  A metropolis for my young self to explore.

  2021-08-31

  Poem, poetry

  ---

• weeble wobble

  Moving through the world

  Like a poorly choreographed dancer

  Wobbling on my feet, on weak ankles

  Life is a party like no other

  Lovely tune with chattering guests

  And yet I’m still stumbling. 

  2021-08-30

  Poem, poetry

  ---

• Not dated

  My high school romance in two events

  One drive, one dance, two boys

  I wasn’t just a late bloomer

  I was completely oblivious

  One took me to Christmas lights

  A clasic date, in his beat up truck

  But I wasn’t the girl for this devout boy

  Somehow too devious and too innocent

  The other was set up by his sister

  He sold me on a geek club

  Opened a new world up to me

  But we were far from in love

  So I claim I never dated

  And while this is technically true

  I did go on two kinda dates

  But no kisses, so they don’t count.

  2021-08-26

  Poem, poetry

  ---

• old age

  I find that age sits well on me

  As I didn’t have beauty to loose

  My trophies wrinkles and grey hairs

  I flaunt them, my badges of pride

  Farther away from young yearning

  Each new year another journey

  My youth was enjoyed but not striking

  Age lead me to greater and better

  So I settle for peace not excitement

  As age shows more on my skin 

  My years are a welcome companion

  They bring me comfort, warm wisdom.

  2021-08-24

  Poem, poetry

  ---

• function of pretty

  Pretty things can have a purpose

  But when the purpose is pretty

  We can loose the value of the thing

  Can ugly be ignored in favor of function?

  Is value so shallow that pretty still wins?

  Useful has value even when looks wain

  Because pretty is a feature, not a function.

  2021-08-18

  Poem, poetry

  ---

• my wierd and wild

  Maybe I’m not as lucky as you

  To get the same as the majority

  I find myself in the minority

  A sore thumb near matching fingers

  Possibly I’m not one that blends

  Not delicate or dainty in perfection

  Unmistakable as I boldly take up space

  A rough heel under a sleek ankle

  Perhaps I reject the chance for normalcy

  You can hide your quirks and flaws

  I’m going to flaunt my wierd and wild

  Crooked teeth between grinning lips.

  2021-08-17

  Poem, poetry

  ---

• Unimpressive life

  Can I be happy

  With this unimpressive life

  The promise of individuality 

  Is bringing me strife

  It hints that I am special

  That I will leave a mark

  And yet I blend into statistics

  A dot grouped with the rest

  Regardless of my missing fame

  I continue to exist.

  2021-08-09

  Poem, poetry

  ---

• human value

  If human worth is in dollars

  Then the majority of us fail

  Kings of cash are family born

  Their lineage inherited wealth

  A world’s lifetime of weath

  Held by a single person

  A dragon hoarding its gold

  Human greed as the winner

  No bootstrap big enough

  To turn a dollar into a billion.

  2021-08-08

  Poem, poetry

  ---

• un-tethered

  Everyone else wants to be floating

  As I’m desperately gripping the ground

  I might fall up and fly away

  They jump, to feel as they fall down

  I know I seek control

  I imagine they want freedom

  For both, our desire evades us

  They stare up, I stare down

  Both un-tethered and hovering 

  But aiming for different destinations.

  2021-08-04

  Poem, poetry

  ---

• fickle perception

  If I tell it to myself

  Then it has to be true

  Why would I lie to me?

  But the mind plays tricks

  My perception is foolish

  Molded into what I need

  So perhaps my truth

  Is only one version

  A tinted window

  That only I see.

  2021-08-03

  Poem, poetry

  ---

• constant discomfort

  Hate to call it pain

  Because pain is distinct 

  Searing, sharp, or pulsing

  This is discomfort 

  An unease of my skin

  Body tight and swollen

  A constant uncertainty 

  Of when it will release 

  Instead I can predict

  My lack of comfort

  Living in this body.

  2021-07-31

  Poem, poetry

  ---

• A medical definition

  What is a diagnosis?

  A definition, a grouping of symptoms 

  An explanation, a route to treatment

  An acceptance, a recognized label

  A win, if there is a cure

  Is a diagnosis required?

  You can have symptoms with no treatment 

  You can have a treatment with no diagnosis

  You can have a diagnosis with no cure

  A loss, if the diagnosis isn’t recognized

  Does it matter to me?

  I’ve had more than one diagnosis

  I live with lifelong symptoms

  A label can be a comfort

  But my health is still a problem.

  2021-07-29

  Poem, poetry

  ---

• What is enough?

  I’m good at somethings

  Not talented the way I want

  I’m not great at anything

  But better than most

  Some things are easy for me

  Where I see others struggle 

  I’m spoilt by what I have

  Resentful of my limitations 

  Will I always be dissatisfied?

  Can I be grateful for gifts?

  Or will I endlessly lament

  What is just out of reach.

  2021-07-26

  Poem, poetry

  ---

• seperate and together

  You do you

  And I’ll l do me

  When you and I meet

  Let’s aim for we

  If we see them

  Let’s make an us

  But never forget

  That they are them

  That you are you

  And I am me.

  2021-07-24

  Poem, poetry

  ---