Elizebeth Turnquist

not prey or predator

I abhore the chase

The idea that we must court

Faking a beautiful plume

Hiding our humanity

It’s easy to fall in lust

But love is vulnerable

And falling hurts

It takes time and trust

I’m not looking to hunt

And I refuse to be captured

If alone is the only equal option

Then I will make the best of it

I will be by myself.

2025-05-12

Poem, poetry
avoiding hypocrisy

If others want to judge me

I can always walk away

I don’t have to put up with them

But I have to put up with myself

I don’t need an external compass

I live by my own set of ethics

If I do something I might regret

I’m the one that knows what I did

I choose internal consistency

Because I have to live with me

My ethics are horizontal

I care about those around me

I pay attention to harm done

I don’t rely on prescribed rules

Because I live in this world.

2025-05-05
death isn’t a compliment

Don’t suggest my life is unlivable

At best a backhanded compliment

At worst you’re saying I unalive

Your eugenic viewpoint is sad

Because age comes for us all

And good health isn’t guaranteed

Whatever struggle I may live with

My existence is worthwhile

I refuse to let you speak ill of me

Only I get to lament my disability

Sometimes it isn’t about better

But about not choosing bitter

Being grateful for this life.

2025-04-28

disability, Poem, poetry
feminist cliche

The joke is so cliche

Because it rings so true

Men want a woman like mom

A wife to take care of them

Women want to be loved

Like their dad loved their mom

I don’t want to be a man’s mother

And I won’t be a subservient wife

No husband’s adoration

Will make up for that inequity.

2025-04-21

feminist, Poem, poetry
I choose my attitude

Grandma was angry and bitter

Spreading around misery

Sharing her ongoing pain

My Mother broke the cycle

She defied the bitter

She chose authentic kindness

So I emulate mom’s choice

I may live in pain

But I don’t have to spread it

I don’t have to infect others

Sharing my pain isn’t caring

I don’t choose bitter or angry

I choose to sappy sweet

I choose to infect my joy.

2025-02-03
Ole rocking chair

I wanna be a rocking chair

Creaking away on a front porch

Don’t wanna be a bicycle

Chasing the next destination

My life is more like ice skates

On hot pavement, not a frozen rink

So, I’d give up shiny or fast

If I could just get some comfort

Like a thrifted sweater

Or an overused metaphor.

2025-01-27
Keeping it to myself

Don’t ask me for advice

I’m not looking to influence you

Certainly not a guru

Or a psychic or telepathic

I know my choices

And how to live with them

My knowledge stops in myself

I don’t have your lived experience

Or know how you will feel

I don’t have a model of you

To reference in my opinions

So I keep them to myself

Let us not confuse each other

Or confound our perspectives

I restrict my words

On purpose.

2025-01-20
No control

I have no control

It would help if I could let go

The things that happened

Are now sealed in the past

My mind spinning over mistakes

Just makes the now miserable

But I can’t change my past

I may have some control

Of how my future self acts

But mistakes are human

And I’m prone to be flawed

So I’m stewing in my juices

These ruminations eat at me

But produce nothing of value

Here I am trying to let go

As my anxious mind clings.

2025-01-13
wrong attention

The accusation that I seek attention

Tells me that you want me to hide

I shouldn’t share my trauma

Or be honest about my quirks

Or tell any kind of unique truth

Because I challenges the norm

You don’t want my authentic self

You want me to hide the real me

You want me to not be seen

Because you think wierdos are bad

You claim I want negative attention

Like anyone would seek rejection

If they had an alternative option

So I reject your premise of me

You can keep your shame for you.

2025-01-06
my rebellion is choice

The list of things I can’t change is long

My circumstance was set before birth

And I can’t survive and choose to rebel

Those options dont work together

But I can decide not to worship

I can decide not to romanticize

I can decide to be skeptical

I choose not to idolize my opressors

As if they are better than me

Defined by the better of society

Doesn’t mean they get my admiration

They are flawed humans, like us all

I choose not to repeat falsehoods

The white lies of sucess and worth

That some of us are created better

When I know my worth isn’t less

I’m not going to bow down to them

Not to money, beauty, or youth

I choose to be happy with my less

Their disaproval doesn’t get my power

I don’t welcome a boot on my neck

I will whine of the unfairness

Knowing my complaints are ignored

Because I still get to have my voice

Even if I don’t get equanimity.

2024-12-30
boss bully

Bosses are bullies by design

They are paid to intimidate and coerce

They maneuver and malign

Under an obfuscated power

To make the company look good

Their goal isn’t employee centered

Capitolism is their master

The greedy dollar says the tone

We are vulnerable in our need

And they will take full advantage.

2024-12-23
seeing past the romance

The contact of being a wife

Is riddled with silent addendums

I don’t want to be rescued

I’m not your beautiful prize

Your fragile masculinity

Is not owed my gentle care

No amount of money

Or a charming personality

Will make me a indentured slave

I won’t give myself to you

I will not be your property

The reward isn’t worth the price.

2024-12-16
liars who lie

The dance of half truths

Delusions disguised as delight

Illusions cast with words

Like a stage magician

Slight of tounge hiding honest

You only hear what they want you to

The trick is not getting caught

No one figuring out there is no magic

Just some well practiced tricks

Costume by the best of intentions

Claiming a parlor trick isn’t malicious

It’s so very human to deceive

Is the claim of a practiced liar.

2024-12-09
cthulu level god

A loving God sounds like a fantasy

Being angry at an absentee father

Is just me drinking poison I made

A cthulu level diety makes more sense

That diety is cruel or is interested

That deity isn’t listening to prayers

That diety is abusive and inconsistent

Angry at my lack of compliance

Punishing and playing with our lives

I know how to deal with abuse

By disconnecting from the abuser

I don’t choose to belive a fantasy

I live in my harsh reality without faith

Because I don’t want God of scripture

I don’t want any omnipotent being

I want the gratefulness I get to exist

And the faith that humans are trying

To do out best not to harm.

2024-12-02

atheist, Poem, poetry
learn from harm caused

There is no avoiding all harm

But there is a chance to learn from it

To be aware that there is difference

Respectful of difference

While not being careless

Is a difficult task

If your actions are careless

And you don’t consider others

You are likely to harm

Try to be aware of difference

Without using it as an excuse

Care may not stop harm

But no care is more likely to hurt.

2024-11-25
lonely american

We don’t have culture

We have individualism

We have competition

There is no neighborhood

Or a close knit family

We live on insular little pods

A small family unit

If they die, we are alone

We are divided by color

The color of our skin or belief

Black or white or red or blue

We live under forced capitolism

Our employer is our master

As employees we are servants

And they will discard us at will

Loyalty is an act we put on

While struggling on our own.

2024-11-18
money doesn't make culture

Capitolism isn’t culture

It’s a lifestyle that propogates greed

And encourages exploitation

For the sake of personal gain

It’s an individualistic belief

That some people deserve less

Enforcing a social hierarky

That is based on the best hustle

Promoting monetary gain

Over taking care of us all

Capitolism doesn’t care about you

And doesn’t take care of anyone.

2024-11-11
the idea of hell is cruel

Eternity of suffering for a limited life

And the hints at sin are varied

In books written eons ago

Translated in the perspective of man

And there isn’t just one version

Some of us are born chosen

But all of us are born with sin

Some of us get taught the right rules

The whole idea of hell us unfair

Based a gamble that you know right

A gamble stacked by circumstance

Isn’t life hard enough

To be confused by the possibility

Of forever hell to pay for

My limited time on this earth

I’d rather aim to make good here

Live the least painful life I can

To harm the fewest people I can

Knowing that eternity comes later.

2024-11-04

atheist, Poem, poetry
not gonna be

I’m supposed to be eager

to turn on my fellow human

In order to be at the top

Suggesting I should

sacrifice my humanity

To be better than the rest

But it’s funny how I’m not

I don’t want the hierarky

Instead I want more for us all

I have this liberal idea of utopia

Where compassion is the real win

Capitalist ideally is lost on me

Because I want more for us all

Instead of just more for me.

2024-10-28
You can't profit forever

Capitolism isn’t sustainable

You run out of goods

The supply diminishes

Or the market is flooded

And the worth disappears

But they keep playing

Like the game never ends

The system defies logic

Because some believe blindy

Faith in the mighty dollar

Leading to a sad end

Because eventually we all loose.

2024-10-21
Good is a performance

Having a law makes us feel good

Good people don’t break the law

So there’s an imaginary line

Of things you don’t do on purpose

And that protects the vulnerable

Because we alllook to act right

But really we just don’t want to get caught

It isn’t that the bad stuff doesn’t happen

It’s just less people are obvious about it

Or they don’t realize what they’ve done

And the law cant informed a lack of intent

Implicit bias goes unpunished

It doesn’t happen intentionally

The conundrum is when it isn’t on purpose

When the hidden becomes seen.

2024-10-14
talent of a modern lady

Dark green moss floss

Pulled tight on a tapestry

A textile painting of a forest

Taking me out of the modern world

A way to repair my brain

This hobby soothes my soul

Away from the electric screens

Pushing around icons for payment

Binging serial fiction for distraction

The sound of needle and thread

A stab, a slide, and a pop

As I pull the thread taught

I’m a lady idle in her craft

Self care coming in the form of art.

2024-10-07
The kink lost its way

Feeding into a man’s desire to own

To take care of me as his own

Contradicts my feminism

And wanting to be dominated

When patriarchy exists

Is playing out a cliche

We can’t call it a kink

When it’s heteronormative

When these are acceptable roles

A wife in the kitchen and a slut in bed

He pays the bills and I take care of him

Realizing my desire is a stereotype

My secret desires aren’t so secret

Once written into tv it isn’t alternative

My secrets are boring like everyones.

2024-09-30

feminist, Poem, poetry
not my lies

There isn’t enough reward

money or love or power or influence

That would get me to play along

To keep up someone else’s lies

I’m not here to prop up the facade

I can always exit the scenario

Your rational of a better good

Doesn’t convince me to play along

Quite the opposite, it stirs suspicion

That these lies aren’t for good

And will not leave my life improved

So I choose to live my authentic life

I don’t have to shoulder your burden

I have to live with myself

I can defy your silent requirement.

2024-09-23
winners create loosers

Capitolism required exploitation

Colonialism requires conquering

These systems aren’t fair or equal

They are unequal by design

Yes, a looser can become a winner

If you can freeze your empathy

You can crawl your way to the top

There must be loss in order to win

Wealth is about hoarding money

The winners taking more of the pool

The loosers getting less of the share

Money is the most gluttonous game

A free market is harsh and unforgiving

It takes more than it invests

It doesn’t encourage ethics

It isn’t diverse or equitable or inclusive

When ballace sheets are important

When in constant pursuit of more

Community is in the way

People suffer from lack of care.

2024-09-16
hidden lady parts

A woman who owns her pleasure

To be authentic in her sexuality

Is a woman who is slut shamed

Because a good girl is chaste

A lady is demure and mysterious

Only a slut is prideful in passion

We exist in cognitive dissonance

An ability to feel pleasure

But pressured to deny it

In our youth sex is a taboo flavor

A background noise we ignore

Despite its persistent allure

As hormones pump through us

We associate orgasm with shame

Our body is fir a mans enjoyment

A vessel for seed and procreation

Not a thing we get to enjoy.

2024-09-09

feminist, Poem, poetry
defy humble

I should inspire myself

I deserve my own praise

I’m surviving day to day

Through frustration and pain

I live within my limits

Best of my circumstances

But im not here to inspire you

Your pity isn’t welcome

You should inspire yourself

Defy the demand to be humble

And give yourself a gold star

Because im going to take mine

And you deserve no less than me.

2024-09-02
the old you

I dream of who you used to be

That’s not who you are now

In the dream I tell you to go away

Because you abandoned me

And the memory of my love

Haunts me and taunts me

Because I want to share my life

With the person that you were

I miss that person intensely

Because they are just a memory.

2024-08-26
clueless man

The love of my life was clueless

Buried in his masculinity

Proudly called himself a feminist

But couldn’t see his wife’s misery

Blamed me for his bad behaviors

Because I wasn’t his perfect wife

he couldn’t save me

Because he didn’t know me

I did my best to inform him

But he missed all the obvious clues

He was wrapped in his own reality

The priveledge of men

Blinds them to reality of women.

2024-08-19

feminist, Poem, poetry
alone girl

The girl who always played by herself

Stepping away from the crowd

Because they are overwhelming

Telling stories to herself

A private theater of the mind

People are hard to talk to

They misinterpret her as aloof

And her kindness as needy

She knows the difference

Alone isn’t always lonely.

2024-08-12
twisted capitolism

We idolize our villains

Giving praise to a billionaire

Even as they steal from us

We expect to be cheated

They give us less for our more

The system is sociopathic

We don’t reward kindness

We reward those who win

We are complicit in our wage theft

The all mighty dollar is king

And our lives spent in servitude.

2024-08-10

Poem
individual flaw

The hubris in thinking you know me

Because we are both human

Or that you might know better for me

Like I don’t know myself

Thinking you can logic your way

Into understanding my experience

As if logic has anything to do with it

You really see yourself as godlike

The failing of mankind is patterns

Making mosaics from chaos

Faith in our flawed perception

Even when our limitations are clear

You don’t know me better

Than I know myself

But you’d like to think

You know the best of us both.

2024-07-29

Poem
institutional torture

Hospitals are hell

With all the best intentions

They don’t respect sleep

And rotating staff

Is an introvert nightmare

With purposeful lack of autonomy

We hand them all the power

In the promise of improved health

Because they are experts

And we are merely patients

They down play the profit they make

From this traumatic time in our life

And don’t ask what we want

They belive they’ve covered our needs

Even as they traumatize us with their care.

2024-07-22

Poem
supposed noncompliance

Doctors don’t trust us

And they don’t listen either

They don’t like us to be smart

Or to be informed enough to say no

They see us as uncooperative children

Disparaging our understanding

They arent partners in our care

They reluctantly ask for consent

But label us an uncooperative

If we dare stand up for ourself

We advocate in a vacume

Against many levels of opression

The world doesn’t like it

When you question its heros.

2024-07-15

Poem
away from the flame

The definition of true love

Diverged when it comes to passion

I wanted to foster the long coals

You wanted to throw wood on the fire

I don’t want passion that burns bright

That can turn into fierce anger

Or be smothered by boredom

I want admiration and respect

A long term commitment

A tinder that has to be tended

My fire won’t burn down a
forrest.

But it’ll keep us warm for many nights.

2024-07-08

Poem, poetry
why aren't you better

Medical coding won’t let them

Treat random symptoms

They need a diagnosis to treat

Whatever is quick and easy

So, I have a collection of diagnosis

My medical chart is a muddy pool

Without any helpful treatments

Full of dismissal and contradictions

Suggesting I’m faking or imagining

If I visit them for a new symptom

They might give me a new diagnosis

But I don’t want another one

Another reason for their rejection

Another way to doubt what I say

There is no cure for a medical mystery

I’ve learned to live with my symptoms.

2024-07-01

disability, Poem, poetry
today's is awful

Some days I wish I could skip

When it’s hard to sit up

And the pain is persistent

Treatement may take off the edge

But background pain lingers

All I can do is tough it out

And wait for healing to happen

Hoping tommorow is less awful

I sleep as much as I can

But some parts are spent awake

And that is the part I want to forget

I know things will get better

And I want to live another day

Just wish I could skip today.

2024-06-24

disability, Poem, poetry
the less painful path

Pretty is more important than life

That’s what they mean by lose weight

They know it won’t work

That your body fights back

But hunger is acceptable

You don’t need to enjoy life

Your discomfort is worth fitting in

Health is more important than food

Thats what they mean by eat right

They blame us for not having time

Or money or access or willpower

Tell us don’t pay attention to hunger

Your body doesn’t know what it needs

Follow their inconsistent rules

Believe in the promise of a result

They’re not interested in science

Thin is healthy but fat is inevitable

Maybe I’m doomed to unhealthy

Maybe I’ve embraced fat and happy

I’m not trusting an uncertain promise

By buying into proven discomfort.

2024-06-17

Poem, poetry
equality isn't equity

The problem with equality

Is that it ignores my disability

And that’s the problem

Sure, you may hire me

Because I have the skills

But then you judge my actions

With the exact same metric

As able bodied employees

You expect me to fit in

For my behavior to conform

Regardless of my mental stability

Getting a job is a first step

Equality makes to hard to keep a job

Equity would give me the tools

So we can all live with my difference.

2024-06-10

Poem, poetry
imagined illness

When illness is not your life

It’s a way to get out of expectation

But when illness is everyday

It’s an inescapable private truth

More likely something you try to hide

Until it can’t be hidden anymore

It comes out when we can’t escape it

The veracity of our truth is doubted

Because the majority use it as a lie

But it’s ill health we wish to lie about

If only our illness was imagined.

2024-06-03

disability, Poem, poetry
why must I remind you I'm human

I am not a fragile flower

Or your identified patient

Until I’m dead, I’m surviving

I deserve independentance

And whatever autonomy I can have

Treating me different doesn’t help

It just makes me feel seperate

Treating me as incompetent

Just makes me like you less

It isn’t yours to manage my health

Illness doesnt respect expectations

Symptoms don’t conform to timelines

Your frustration just makes me worse

And all your aims to get me in line

Like your uninformed advice

And you unsolicited help

Are a barrier to your understanding

Give me the respect of personhood

Why must I remind you I’m human?

2024-05-27

Poem, poetry
so many voices

Academica wants to study

Non-Profits want awareness

Lobbyist want power

And grassroots wants change

All fighting for an ideal

Somehow seperated by minutia

Siloed in our conversations

Feeling richeous in our goals

Our voces together would be loud

But infighting keeps us apart

In the hierarky of important voices

Can we hear the oppressed first?

2024-05-20

Poem, poetry
their big lie

At an early age, life didn’t make sense

What I saw didn’t match what I felt

And I was taught to speak up

So I said what I thought was true

And they assured me I was wrong

That I wasn’t feeling what I felt

And I wasn’t seeing what I saw

Quickly, I learned to doubt myself

And the next time I was incongruent

I participated in my own gaslighting

Thought I didn’t know what I felt

And I didn’t know what I saw

But the contradictions kept coming

What they said and how I felt

But how I felt was consistent

And their orders often conflicted

So I chose to believe in myself

I let myself rebel againt what I’m told

The world still doesn’t make sense

But at least I trust in me.

2024-05-13

Poem, poetry
not the plan

How did this happen?

I planned to be an novelist

To write great sweeping stories

And call myself an author

But that’s not what I do

Instead, I compulsively summarize

Encapsulate my feeling in words

In this blasted dead art form

I didn’t seek poetry as a goal

But damned if I’m not a poet.

2024-05-06

Poem, poetry
my body is vindictive

Body positive is about self-love

Body neutrality is about acceptance

Fat liberation is about equal rights

But my body is also defiant

I inflict myself on the world

Skimpy clothes showing it all off

Bright colors and bold patterns

Encouraging passing stares

Challenging disdainful looks

Not here to make you comfortable

Fat and proud and defiant.

2024-04-29

Poem, poetry
can't think it away

Even when you don’t believe

When you question what you see

My symptoms are still here

What I feel is very real to me

Your lack of faith in what I say

Doesn’t change my everyday

Such hubris in your fantasy

That you’re an expert on me

I reject your ignorant decree

You’ve not stopped my experience

Just stopped me in what I speak

I learn not to share with you.

2024-04-22

Poem, poetry
not able bodied

When I look back over my life

Even when I thought I was healthy

I was still sick, mentaly or physicaly

The limits of my understanding

Meant I translated my experience

Into what others call healthy

But I don’t know what that feels like

I’m not able bodied, never have been.

2024-04-16

Poem, poetry
you don't own me

“My taxes pay for you”

What a delusion of grandure

Paired with flagrant ignorance

Maybe a minorty to you’re majority

But the amount you personally pay

That goes into programs for me

Isn’t even a drop in the bucket

Not even a molecule of vapor

At best you’re homeopathy

A hint of tears in the ocean

Diluted by the greater populace

If I ignored your flawed logic

And your lack of compassion

Let us just be equal and fair

If you want freedom of choice for you

Stop suggesting ownership of me.

2024-04-08

Poem, poetry
no prayers, please

The problem with you praying for me

Is that your praying for God to fix me

Because you think I’m wrong

My life is sad and I must be saved

But isn’t your God purposeful

Maybe he put me here to test you

To see if you can have compassion

For someone that doesn’t fit

Into your view of his world?

2024-04-01

atheist, disability, Poem, poetry
uneven bias

Just an idea in your head

Representing words unsaid

Lip twisted in judgement

At the perceived lesser

While you’re punching down

I’m scowling at your crown

You don’t have to know me

To let yourself think poorly

Your bias and mine

Clash all of the time

Because I’m punching up

Rejecting my oppressor.

2024-03-25

Poem, poetry