Tag: authenticity

• Painfully human

  Being human hurts peoples feelings
  When I treat you like I wanna be treated
  Golden rule doen’t account for difference
  When I treat you as you expect
  Platinum rule doesnt teach difference
  When I act without reflecting
  I’m almost guarenteed to hurt another
  There is no rule for just being ourselves
  No rule that will stop unintentional hurt
  So like a gentle bull in a china shop
  I am myself but try not to harm
  I know being me is right for me
  But may not be what others need.

  2018-01-12

  authenticity, Poem, poetry

  ---

• My insides don't match your outsides

  I’m told not to compare
  Focus on the same, not different
  But when I get close to someone
  The stories they share are foreign
  A world a part from where I live
  Are their stories all lies?
  Some partial truth hiding harsh reality
  Or am I terminally unique?
  So special that I really can’t relate
  I know I’m not the only wierd ever
  But I am wierder than most
  I romantacize meeting my weird match
  Another wierd that sounds familiar
  The right amount of wierd, together.

  2017-11-09

  authenticity, Poem, poetry

  ---

• You might hate me

  I embody percived stigma
  My health is not well
  My choice is no children
  My weight is not thin
  My religion is lacking
  My sexuality is fluid
  You might be shocked
  By my authentic self
  But I am not ashamed
  I reject the stigma
  I dont internalize the norm
  I accept me for who I am.

  2017-07-29

  authenticity, Poem, poetry

  ---

• Sad little boys

  sad little boys
  with their pathetic insults
  trying to make big of themselves
  by making small of me

  if only I were impressed
  instead of amused
  by their laughable attempts
  to bruise my ego

  I could respond
  and give them power
  or I can ignore
  and remove their bluster

  if only I was concerned
  by small minds
  and petty words
  such that I was moved

  but I’m not

  instead, I’m tickled
  by their persistence
  and spurned on
  by their stupidity

  their insults
  are my own words
  do they not realize,
  I beat them to the punch?

  what they consider insult
  I consider fact
  what they accuse me of
  I embrace with pride

  I may cockblock their dogedness
  as I’m moved to laughter
  but I won’t feign to fart
  at such pitiable overtures

  sad little boys
  so small and unimportant
  I rouse them to anger
  while they rouse me to laugh.

  2017-05-28

  authenticity, Poem, poetry

  ---

• maybe I do.

  maybe I do think I’m better
  that I deserve more
  than casual relationships
  with casual friends
  that are casual with me

  my feeling aren’t casual
  they deserve due diligence and gentle care
  I’m strong and tough and sure of myself
  but when I let someone in
  I let them past my armor
  and leave myself defenseless
  in their presence

  the problem with vulnerability
  is that it means someone can break you
  a passing word or meaningless action
  can pierce you to the core
  and when people are casual
  they don’t think to walk carefully
  or make an effort to not break
  the things around them

  it always surprises me
  how my friends can be so careful
  with material possessions
  but, at the same time,
  how they can be so careless
  with the people in their lives
  that they profess love for

  I want to know that my counterparts
  will put in the work it takes
  Any athlete knows that it takes work
  to become great at something
  and only when you’re great at that thing
  does it start to look effortless
  Is it so wrong of me
  to think that my friends
  should be that well versed
  in the sport of friendship?

  maybe I’m a weirdo
  for thinking my friends
  should be nicer to me
  than they would be to a stranger

  before now, I didn’t consider
  what it meant when I was accused
  of acting like I was “better than”
  I cringed at the accusation
  because I don’t think I deserve anymore
  than everyone else in the world
  I don’t put myself up high
  on some sort of pedestal

  I think everyone deserves
  a friend that’ll put in the work
  someone that won’t take them for granted
  or assume they’ll be around
  that’ll ask them what they think
  and care about how they feel

  and, if that means,
  that everyone thinks
  I consider myself I’m better than
  then I’ll just feel sad
  because they don’t get it
  There’s something better to be had
  and if you don’t grasp for it
  you’ll be stuck with the suck
  instead of bathing in greatness.

  2017-05-28

  authenticity, Poem, poetry

  ---

• Whine

  Why do I whine
  it doesn’t make any more time
  or really change the situation

  but it’s a release
  it pops the bubble I keep
  a balloon inside of me

  my attitude is my worth
  to keep me floating along
  and singing a happy song

  so what is right
  about letting my voice go high
  entering into a sigh

  except to move on later
  let go of what was dragging
  so I can float by

  maybe there is some point
  to making a sour face
  as long as I know it’s place

  today I cry out sourly
  for the things I can’t have
  grump for only a moment, dourly

  so tomorrow I can embrace
  the world with a happy face
  and no more wine to indulge

  2017-05-25

  authenticity, Poem, poetry

  ---

• Decisive

  I made a choice
  it wasn’t a hard choice
  I wanted to love my life
  to live it like I want
  instead of follow another path

  I live my choice
  it isn’t easy to live
  to be content instead of comfortable
  to be fulfilled instead of rich
  sometime it’s so hard
  I wish I could wish again

  But I stick with it
  I play the game
  and sometimes win
  just the same, my tears
  they mark the hardest part
  and my happiness the best

  I never feel like my life
  was chosen by another
  or regret that I choose
  instead of throwing my choice away
  but it’s hard
  sometimes real hard
  to have what I want
  and live in this world.

  2017-05-24

  authenticity, Poem, poetry

  ---

• Stranger danger

  Dear stranger
  I wish you didn’t make me uncomfortable
  And I wish I didn’t expect the worst
  But instant excitement scares me
  And your attention puts me at unease
  At first my bold ways titlate
  Often the idea of me seems to appeal
  But as time passes I hear judgement
  Those less than subtle hints
  Criticim meant to be constructive
  Suggesting I become more acceptable
  That I’d be better off a little less special
  But I am not the kind who tries to fit
  I was raised to like myself
  To embrace my authenticity
  Your fleeting affection is no match
  For my persistent sense of self
  You can’t coerce me into normal
  This is the curse of an iconoclast
  More lonely in a crowd of strangers
  Than sitting alone with myself.

  2017-05-23

  authenticity, Poem, poetry

  ---

• Malleable memory

  

  Memory is malleable by design
  We remember things imagined
  Wake up from realistic dreams
  This is more than poetic
  It is science fact

  I am not trying to steal
  The truth of things remembered
  Because truth isn’t fact
  We recall the the experience of then
  Seen through the understanding of now

  My mind wants to believe it’s constant
  It can’t refute the influence of time
  It can’t see the subtle changes in me
  I know NOW like it was always
  Caught rapt in the reality of today

  My experience does not match yours
  It’s a distorted window at best
  Our very personal perceptions
  Woven into a tapestry of experience
  Sealed in an ever changing vault

  So I try not to let the weight of time
  Turn all my memories sour
  If I must live with a malliable memory
  Then I choose a gentler interpretation
  A rose colored hue on my soft focus past.

  2017-05-14

  authenticity, Poem, poetry

  ---

• What haves?

  

  I didn’t have a picket fence
  Or two parents
  Or a childhood home
  I knew love but not constancy

  I did have a loving mother
  And thirst for knowledge
  And blanket acceptance
  I was taught authenticity

  The things that make me weird
  Nearly balance my normal
  I understand what I didn’t have
  I rejoice in what I did.

  2017-04-12

  authenticity, Poem, poetry

  ---

• Persistently plesant

  

  Sure, nice people are fake
  A momentary annoyance hidden
  A fleeting judgement repressed
  We make an effort to brighten the world
  That doesn’t happen naturally

  The world is a random place
  Its easy to find harsh reality
  Nice people defy that expectation
  We know a smile is infectious
  One good apple brightens the bunch

  So, yeah, I am persistently pleasant
  Like a sunny spot on cool grass
  I don’t have to try hard
  Because my nice is a habit
  Something I’ve cultivated in myself

  So I put a smile on
  And I encourage the room
  Because I like to live in a nice world
  And if nice is bad because fake is bad
  Then call me bad, but nicely please.

  2017-04-07

  authenticity, Poem, poetry

  ---

• Eating the colors

  

  Putting things in order
  A little piece of peace
  Candy colors in a row
  Eat them by the number

  OCD they tease
  Observing my routine
  as if playing with my food
  says something about me

  maybe I’m odd
  making patterns from chaos
  I agree I find comfort
  In structure and design

  Candies are gone
  but I’ll do it again
  lining up the colors
  and eating the pattern

  2017-04-04

  authenticity, Poem, poetry

  ---

• The lie of normal

  I’m an ordinary girl
  I tell myself
  Just like any other girl
  Everyone feels like they don’t belong
  That’s what they say
  The grand them of authority
  The nameless dominance of normal
  It all feels like a lie
  A lie from them to calm me
  A lie I’m supposed to tell myself
  A lie my true self rejects
  At least one thing is true
  everyone around me
  is too wrapped up in their own shit
  to notice me losing mine.

  2016-10-25

  angst, authenticity, Poem, poetry

  ---

• Fat acceptance

  My fat is political
  I dont restrict calories
  I don’t talk dieting
  I have no plans to change

  If you think fat is a personality deficit
  If you can’t get past appearance
  If you are simply repulsed
  Then my fat is a barrier

  I won’t bond over self hate
  I don’t buy into the shame
  I refuse to fight my body
  I’m not spending my life hungry

  I deliberately defy convention
  I eat in public
  I wear cute outfits
  I’m bright and smiling and fat

  My body is a protest
  My personality a gift
  I accept my size
  I love myself

  I wish the same for you.

  2016-06-24

  authenticity, Poem, poetry

  ---

• Labels

  Fat, sick, poor, slut
  Accepting my nonstandard body
  Living within physical limitations
  Finding joy in simplicity
  Embracing my female power

  Happy with who I am.

  2016-05-26

  authenticity, Poem, poetry

  ---

• Smile anyway

  Most of us struggle
  At some point
  Trauma doesn’t discriminate
  And life isn’t fair

  There is worth
  In being authentic
  You have a right to feel
  Especially when things suck

  The question is
  What do you hold onto?
  Do you linger on the negative?
  Or do you move on?

  Its easy to choose bitter
  Bad memories pile up
  And effectively suffocate
  The good ones

  The hard choice
  Is to choose happiness
  To revisit the positive
  And forget the bad luck

  Some consider it fake
  Forcing a smile
  But I find the smile lingers
  Even when I force it

  A positive attitude
  Won’t change reality
  But it will change
  How you feel

  Life sucks,
  Smile anyway.

  2016-04-17

  authenticity, Poem, poetry

  ---

• My subjective perception

  It hurts when you question
  My perception
  While it’s true
  You may know fact better
  You can’t know what I feel
  Or what I experience
  Better than I
  No one can dictate
  My subjective perception
  I own that
  Just the same
  As you know you

  2016-02-28

  authenticity, Poem, poetry

  ---

• Correction

  I’d rather know what’s true
  That to stubornly act right
  I never did understand
  How admitting our mistakes
  Is taken as weakness
  Bravery is asking for more information
  Confirming what you do or don’t know

  I don’t live in black and white
  Fact is proven theory
  But theory can be disproved
  Additional minutia can be discovered
  A theory can be proven again

  The details make a difference
  My apple may be green
  Your apple may be red
  Were both talking about apples
  And yet one is tart and the other sweet

  If I take a beat
  Admit to my limited scope
  Review my assumptions
  Ask about your apple
  Maybe I could learn
  Maybe we could communicate

  If I still think you’re wrong
  I can always build my case
  Show the proof of my position
  Or I could choose to back off
  Because it’s not my responcibility
  To make you right

  Knowing what’s true often means
  Admitting I’m could be wrong
  And being open to learning right.

  2016-02-23

  authenticity, Poem, poetry

  ---

• Accepting the difference

  No once chooses their trauma
  Or wants to be always set apart
  The idea that rape is a lie
  Or disability is a lie
  Or inequality is a lie
  Is a misunderstanding
  A lack of exposure
  A lack of experience
  We disenfranchised
  Are seen in extremes
  Either saintly courage
  Or sinful weakness
  The extremes make us seperate
  Place us outside the norm
  Some of us wear our label proudly
  To refute the silence
  To refuse the loneliness
  Despite a lack of reward
  Making it known is judged harshly
  When, in truth, attention seekers are rare
  But are no less damaged
  Because no one chooses their trauma
  No one chooses to always feel apart

  If we are lucky find self-acceptance
  We find others who make us feel normal
  We make the best of what we didn’t choose.

  2016-02-22

  authenticity, Poem, poetry

  ---

• Finding happy

  Money won’t make you happy
  But poverty will make you miserable
  Struggling to survive is the worst
  But excess is too much
  The median is where we do best

  People can’t make you happy
  But loneliness will tear you down
  We are hard wired for companionship
  And, yet, can feel lonely in a crowd
  We need those deep connections

  Priveledge can’t bring happiness
  Any more than being disenfranchised
  Most of us carry some burden
  We can try to see what we have
  and acknowledge what we dont.

  The lesson I learn, everyday,
  Is happiness isn’t a destination
  It’s bright moments on the journey
  We can adjust our attitude
  We can embrace fleeting moments
  We can choose to recognize our happy

  The grass is greenest where we water it.

  2016-02-22

  authenticity, Poem, poetry

  ---

• No one's punching bag

  Words hurt
  Like thinly sliced wounds
  Like a punch to the gut
  Like an unexpected slap

  It may be surface
  My analogies of pain
  But words wounds linger
  They are slow to heal

  I don’t deserve those words
  The subtle little stabs
  The mean biting jabs
  The outright ridicule

  I didn’t enter into
  A loving relatinship
  For the mean spirited banter
  Who would make that a goal?

  I want the sweet words
  The kind expression
  The gentle forgiving
  The abject understanding

  I am no one’s punching bag
  I refuse to launder your frustration
  I will not accept your ridicule
  It’s not my job to suffer you

  If that’s too much to ask
  I cometely understand
  I can move on
  You can go to hell.

  2015-08-26

  authenticity, Poem, poetry

  ---

• Its okay not to like me

  “You try so hard to be liked”
  I’ve heard this before
  A passing observation
  Usually given without mallace
  But with an undertone of judgement

  Translation: “Stop carring what others think”
  The funny thing is I don’t
  I expect that people don’t like me
  I’m a wierd girl in a nomalized world
  I don’t have a problem with liking myself
  But I’m realistic about others perception

  From an early age I was loved
  Mother reinforced my self-worth
  I am priveledged with self-esteem
  My self-love is close to narcissism
  How is it that people don’t see that?

  I think what they see is that I’m nice
  They hear me passing love around
  Because love is easy for me
  I’m not looking for external self worth
  I’m looking for external acceptance

  Does this mean I care what others think?
  Of course! Who doesnt! I’m curious.
  Does this mean I will change for others?
  Not for strangers. Not for aquaintaces.
  But relationships require compromise

  I care what the people I love think
  I want to know they accept me
  I don’t want to do things that hurt them
  And I can change minor parts of myself
  I’m open to conpromise and negotiation

  I suppose some of what I do
  Is try to give external self worth
  Which is kinda silly, I know
  I can’t make someone love themself
  If you must judge, aim for this futility

  Dont mistake me, I dont I like everyone
  I’m choosy about who I share myself with
  I don’t think everyone can be my friend
  I don’t WANT that many friends
  I just want the people I love to feel loved

  I smile at at strangers so they’ll smile
  But I don’t waste more than a smile
  I consider my attention valuable
  Investement of my true self is rare
  I “try hard” with the ones I “truly love.”

  2015-07-25

  authenticity, Poem, poetry

  ---

• Time shrinks scars

  Some wounds stay with us
  We carry them around
  Covered by scar tissue
  To show the battles survived

  Sometimes those scars ache
  Touch the skin near and we cry
  Seems like we’ll never stop hurting
  But time makes scars shrink
  The pain is less intense
  The longer we survive

  Sometimes a loving touch
  Can inflame the scar
  Even worse than a bump or slap
  But if we can push through the pain
  If we can focus on the caress
  Joy can speed our healing.

  2015-07-22

  authenticity, Poem, poetry

  ---

• Trying not to engage

  There is no win
  No approval to be had
  So often you’re wrong
  Which you rarely admit

  I think this is about you
  You’re mad at yourself
  And I’m just present
  For your rampant disapproval

  Why do I care?
  You’re anger is so silly
  So useless in its purpose
  It’s not like it improves you

  Except I am present
  And aware of your ire
  I feel it infect those around me
  I feel it infect myself

  The discomfort you spread
  Is so fickle and unfair
  I didn’t earn it
  I don’t deserve it

  I try not to engage
  Duck my head once again
  Make the best of things
  Until I have other options.

  2014-12-04

  authenticity, Poem, poetry

  ---