Tag: poetry

• Not abled asshole

  I’m not your hero

  I’m not your friend

  I’m the asshole with a disability

  Why do I choose this villany

  Because it’s hard to infantilize

  Someone you can’t pity or admire

  Assholes are universally disliked

  Your disdain and disapproval

  Mean I’m like any other jerk

  It’s my one path to humanity

  An effective equalizer, is this,

  My terrible behavior.

  2021-07-13

  Poem, poetry

  ---

• Personal earthquake

  There is the us that others perceive 

  And the lived experience of our life

  We may know our feelings and desires

  But our memory is warped in remebering

  Our perception of self is often twisted

  Trying to see ourselves through other eyes

  Trembling feelings as lava at our core

  But a still surface that can looks serene

  We can’t always predict the seismic events

  That can shatter our world into rubble

  We don’t always know the cosmic events

  That will punch a whole in our existence. 

  2021-07-13

  Poem, poetry

  ---

• Manic pixie dream

  I’m not a step on your journey

  Or an example of wild and free

  Not a tool for you to learn from

  Or a character in your story

  Viewing me as a step on your path

  Is just a way to procrastinate 

  Your authentic journey is inside you

  That path has nothing to do with me

  If you ever figure out who you is

  When you can give and take equally

  Thats when we can consider us

  Then come and talk to me.

  2021-05-30

  Poem, poetry

  ---

• Under the bus

  I can’t belive I couldn’t see

  That you are nothing like me

  My mistake was trusting you

  Believing in human decency

  You made yourself so small

  So petty and mean and shallow

  I wanted to lift us both up

  But instead you made us fall

  You dismissed my truth

  And twisted my words

  And I didn’t see it coming

  Somehow you blindsided me

  So now I’m hurt and angry

  But who am I too blame

  Me, you, the bus, or the driver

  I’m run over all the same.

  2021-05-21

  Poem, poetry

  ---

• placeholder

  He thought dizzy was joy

  Dancing around in circles

  And love meant freedom

  As he spun to another partner

  He said all the right words

  Words that dazzled me

  But the words were empty

  I was alone next to him 

  A warm body in his bed

  A placeholder, easily replaceable 

  As I tried to hold on to him

  I watched him spin away.

  2021-05-19

  Poem, poetry

  ---

• I love me so I can love you

  Everything for anyone always

  Is a perfection I don’t try for

  Self sacrifice and unending kindness

  Are not my first goal

  Self involvement can lead to self care

  Boundaries can make better buddies

  Because I’m only giving what I can

  I stead of draining myself dry.

  2021-05-17

  Poem, poetry

  ---

• Sometimes love is kind

  Nice is a performance

  It exepects owed recopense

  A positive return on investment

  Kind is an attitude

  Its persistently of service

  Because the return is within

  Love is complicated

  It is an individual feeling

  That is sometimes shared

  I don’t want a performance

  I will reward a good attitude

  I can’t promise love.

  2021-05-17

  Poem, poetry

  ---

• wierd, wonderful, diverse

  The bee and the wasp are not the same

  They are insects that can sting

  Presenting colors of yellow and black

  Flying from their homemade nests

  But only one produces lovely honey

  While the other is viewed as a pest

  And while one wasp can kill a bee

  Many bees can defeat one wasp

  This is the world we live in

  Similar and different

  A life of conflict and beauty

  Wierd, wonderful, and diverse.

  2021-05-16

  Poem, poetry

  ---

• Only in reality

  I wouldn’t survive a narrative

  Of horror or action or fantasy

  Of an inevitable apocalypse 

  Or a horrifying dystopian future

  Or a past plague without vaccine

  My body would be the first to fall

  At best I’m the supporting character

  The one you knew wouldn’t make it

  I’m not the character that lives

  But today isn’t fiction and modern life means

  My broken body has advanced medicine

  My flawed mind is of corporate value

  My imperfect self thrives in this reality.

  2021-05-06

  Poem, poetry

  ---

• Anti-racist

  Academic texts don’t speak

  They can’t express lived experience

  So I beg you, hold my hand a little

  Lead me towards the truth

  Your anger is valid

  But it also stands between us

  I know my ignorance isn’t fair

  And I know you are tired

  But if you can give me your patience

  I am open and eager to hear

  I’m will de-center and shut up

  Because I want to learn and be better

  My white ego may be fragile

  But I’m ready to let it shatter

  I accept that I am part of the problen

  I’m trying to be an ally.

  2021-05-06

  Poem, poetry

  ---

• no excuse for being me

  Not pretty enough 

  to be an unapologetic bitch

  Not brilliant enough

  To survive through sarcasm

  Not eager enough

  To eat shit all day

  And not fawning enough

  To fall down at their feet

  Just proudly stumbling through life

  Without an acceptable excuse.

  2021-04-20

  Poem, poetry

  ---

• ad hominem attack

  I often misspell

  And my grammar sucks

  My brain looses words

  And my mouth mispronounces

  My details are an easy target

  If you are looking to attack

  Search no further than the surface

  I can’t compete academically 

  Because I don’t want to win debate

  I seek to understand deeply

  I try to have an informed opinion

  I’m willing to learn when I’m wrong

  I understand I don’t know everything

  But I’m more studied than most

  So I feel confident in my thought

  Even if my presentation is flawed.

  2021-03-27

  Poem, poetry

  ---

• oblivious to school

  In Elementary three girls teased me

  Asking why I wore pants in the summer 

  And dresses in the winter

  I shugged in answer to their mockery

  In Junior High a girl tried to intimidate me

  She got aggressively in my face

  I walked away and simply avoided her

  More confused than scared or angry

  Between a complicated home life

  Truant officers and sickly absenteeism

  And special needs classrooms

  School hierarky never made an impression

  I didn’t envy those who fit in

  because I didn’t notice their power

  I was an oblivious weirdo loner

  With my own drama seperate from them.

  2021-03-22

  Poem, poetry

  ---

• not us or them

  I’m okay with me or you

  But not okay with us or them

  I can choose who is in my life

  Decide that a person is not good for me

  But when a group decides to ostracize

  They are making me choose 

  Between my independence and community

  They are trying to control me and you

  And the answer to that is easy

  I’d rather be lonely as one

  than be a part of the mean many.

  2021-02-28

  Poem, poetry

  ---

• Stubborn self-esteem

  Is this confidence or stubbornness

  Self-esteem or refusing to hear criticism

  It’s true I dig in my heels

  I don’t care to make strangers happy

  I expect to be loved as I am

  So, if the result is that I am me

  The most uncompromising me I can be

  Does it matter how I got there?

  2021-02-19

  Poem, poetry

  ---

• Voices in the electric void

  A million strangers can hear my voice

  As I speak into the electric void

  Monologing to an unseen audience 

  Confiding secrets to the world

  I sing a song of myself

  Speaking my cringy truth

  Leading through honest example

  Hoping that variety becomes familiar

  Exposing my authentic self

  Without an agenda for return

  Is somehow less lonesome

  Then silently living a false identity.

  2021-02-07

  Poem, poetry

  ---

• let's skip romance

  Finding sex is easy

  Fleeting romance is easy

  But the boring parts are hard to find

  I want to skip the chase and mystery

  Head straight for comforting commitment

  Where my best friend loves my flaws

  I won’t provide one sided worship

  and I can’t conform to convention

  I’m looking for someone like me

  A confident snowflake of similar design.

  2021-01-31

  Poem, poetry

  ---

• men don't get it

  It’s impossible to change another

  Arguing they should alter their beliefs

  Only makes them dig their heels in

  Suggesting they harm unintentionally

  Makes them argue their innocence

  And the worst offenders are men

  Men are taught to win at all costs

  To fight any chance they get

  They are taught power is a priority

  Never compromise and avoid compassion

  Because those are womanly traits

  And women are the opposite of men

  So, a feminist trying to speak to a man

  Is fighting both nature and nurture

  Nature that makes humans resist change

  Nurture that taught men to never loose

  I don’t hold hope for my generation of men

  Maybe we can teach the next batch

  I don’t want men to be my enemy

  But I also don’t think we owe them sex

  All boys are accountable for their behavior

  Rape is inexcusable, consent is required

  Cheating and lying are intentional

  Gender isn’t an excuse for wrong behavior.

  2021-01-30

  Poem, poetry

  ---

• #chronicillnesswarior

  Often my existence feels like a war

  With myself and the world

  Seeing the disbelief when I share

  Because I don’t look unwell

  Being told to “win” at health

  like I’m in control of my body

  Arguing for assistance or help

  From systems that believe I’m lying

  Being told it’s in my head

  like I can think away the sick

  I’m so tired of being in battle

  I get to choose when I fight

  Whatever is broken in me

  Be it my body or my mind

  Today I choose radical acceptance 

  It’s time for some boring peace.

  2021-01-26

  Poem, poetry

  ---

• #womensupportingwomen

  To all the beautiful women

  All the smart and successful ladies

  All the fit and fabulous females

  I want those things for you

  sometimes, I may feel lesser

  when I commit the sin of comparison

  But I will never try to tear you down

  I will lift you up any chance I get

  We all deserve to feel proud and powerful

  And I wish those feelings things for you

  with the same fierce ferocity

  That I aim for them myself.

  2021-01-24

  Poem, poetry

  ---

• all the years

  all the years

  compounded by all those tears

  made real by persistent memories

  and lessons hard learned

  lead to now

  it’s easier to doubt

  when the world is so harsh

  and the people inconsistent

  their rational mislead

  than to hold onto youthful optimism

  I thought this was growth

  the growing up part

  we’re told it’s a good thing

  that it leads to wisdom

  and self-assurance

  but sometimes it feels like a cancer

  a malignant mass of memories

  an awareness that the world isn’t pure

  and even the good things

  are tainted by good meaning

  it’s the one’s that think best

  that know without doubt

  and know their right

  no matter what

  those zealots, they truly scare me

  so, what has age given me?

  but an awareness that faith

  is so frail, so delicate

  that it often disintegrates

  in the face of reality

  The hopefulness of youth

  is being beat down

  by the doubt of age

  because truth is a harsh mistress. 

  2021-01-19

  Poem, poetry

  ---

• Clique

  Do you know what I hate

  that feeling that creeps up inside me

  the knowledge that I can’t read your mind

  It’s built on a foundation of insecurity

  and the thoughts I’ve let stray

  I have to count on you loving me

  even if you never say

  after years of words passed 

  between our lips on the air

  I see it stalking me in the distance

  that ugliness called fear

  There isn’t one heart here

  there’s ten, maybe twenty

  a heard of things unspoken

  and the decisions you’ve made about me

  without even consulting me

  It’s paranoia.  After all these years

  to think my forest might leave me

  the insanity that stalks me

  to believe your actions might change

  when you walk around me, consistently.

  If I were pleading to one person

  one mind or one soul, perhaps they’re be hope

  instead I plea to the lot of you

  the group of you, the family I’ve made

  Don’t leave me. 

  2021-01-15

  Poem, poetry

  ---

• a plan calms me

  I was raised by mental illness

  By generations of childhood trauma

  Where calm is the eye of a storm

  There was little consistency

  A new adventure everyday

  But we were just surviving

  Now I rebel against that chaos

  I’m calmed by rules spoken

  Soothed by expectations made clear

  I’m comforted by knowing my plan.

  2021-01-15

  Poem, poetry

  ---

• a day

  Parking lot paved with crushed pebble feet

  Hot sun sinks in a black pavement

  roll them rubber soles 

  hood for another day

  I can’t see my hands for the brightness

  Brush against her hand, wonder if it’s mine

  give me a smile, a thought

  I know where we’re going

  broken toes and aching arches

  stabbed on a curb by my best friend

  so, she sighs in exhaustion

  Holed up in a room, tired from the day

  smiles on my face and a memory. 

  2021-01-12

  Poem, poetry

  ---

• wishing I was a comet

  “Who am I?”
  We all ask this
  At one time or another
  Sometimes this answer comes swiftly
  Easily based on my sense of self
  “Who am I to them?”
  That’s a tough question
  I swirl around the question
  Like a planet in orbit
  Hoping I can become a comet
  Break free from painful confusion
  It’s the taciturn “them” that won’t say
  Even if I ask directly
  So, I live comfortable in myself
  But uncomfortable in the world. 

  2020-11-14

  Poem, poetry

  ---

• embracing the label

  To not be seen a loser
  I have to choose to be a winner
  But who am I trying to impress
  Who gets to decide the rules
  What if I’m an independent thinker
  What if I decide not to compete
  Instead, can I live the label
  Can I defy the game they’re playing
  Accepting some might call me a looser
  Because I’m happy being my weird self.

  2020-11-08

  Poem, poetry

  ---

• happy to say i walked away

  Words like “angry”, “resentful”, “righteous”
  Group think makes them infectious
  One bad apple spoils the bunch
  One mean girl sets the tone
  When ladies gang up, I don’t take part
  If a friend is cruel, I rethink that friend
  I may not fight for what’s right
  But I don’t put up with what’s wrong
  My silence and absence is active
  Being right can be lonely
  But I won’t let ugly infect me

  the on thing I can say is
  I’m brave enough to walk away.

  2020-10-26

  Poem, poetry

  ---

• three boys

  I lost my innocence to three boys

  One who kissed my best friend

  One who dared me in the dark

  And one who presumed marraige

  The first boy was my first crush

  He kissed her because I dared him

  I wanted him to dare me back

  But their kiss became the story

  The second boy liked me first

  He dared me to grope him

  Mother interrupted our daring

  He lost interest soon after

  The third boy was actually my first

  First kiss, first love, first fuck

  After my deflowering he declared marriage

  But I had a world of fucks ahead of me

  I’m not sure I had innocence

  That I lost or they stole

  Three boys took what I offered

  I eagerly sought what they gave.

  2020-10-20

  Poem, poetry

  ---

• feelings together

  Trapped a feeling

  Put it into words

  Shared it online

  So your feelings

  Would have company.

  2020-10-18

  Poem, poetry

  ---

• letting myself cry

  Tears washed out the chemicals in my brain

  Poured out the feeling making me insane

  Couldn’t stop the world from spinning

  But lifted the weight pinning me down

  Tommorow the world gets heavy, again

  But tonight I sleep a little lighter.

  2020-10-18

  Poem, poetry

  ---

• hold my hand in the aftermath

  I can be my own prince

  Drag my own ass out of the fire

  Make my own money

  Buy my own toys

  But its lonely on my own

  I wish I had a partner to hold my hand

  To listen after I’ve taken care of business

  Who wants my strong and mighty self

  Even when I’m not pretty or girly

  I want to loved, not saved.

  2020-10-08

  Poem, poetry

  ---

• fat hurts less

  How do I explain

  Why I live in this body 

  Why I don’t starve

  Maybe rejection stings

  Maybe ugly isn’t awesome

  But I can’t escape allergic

  When my skin aches

  With general discomfort

  Everything is swollen

  And exercise hurts

  Food is medicine

  Food feels good

  Drugs dull the mind

  I want to live awake

  Weight is the lesser evil

  Fat hurts less.

  2020-09-12

  Poem, poetry

  ---

• all my jiggle

  Double chin

  Whitchy wart

  Jelly belly

  Cheese thighs

  Soft squishy

  Warm cuddly

  Massive me

  Taking space.

  2020-08-25

  Poem, poetry

  ---

• everyday love

  You can’t win my affection

  It isn’t a prize or a contest

  I don’t want unpradictable romance 

  And sweeping gestures are obscene

  The real test is everyday kindness

  Paying attention and spending time

  Woo me with many tender moments

  Invest yourself and I will swoon.

  2020-08-21

  Poem, poetry

  ---

• flawed snowflake

  Being unique isn’t being the best

  They are two different measures

  When I compete with someone, I can loose

  When I compete with myself, I will improve

  Winning requires standards and conformity 

  While flaws can be a part of individuality

  Self esteme is a wonderful thing

  But often confused with superiority.

  2020-08-10

  Poem, poetry

  ---

• sweet parting ways

  Scorched earth is bitter smokey 

  Revenge is raw and bloddy

  But a legacy is sappy sweet

  Your regret should taste like sugar

  When you realize what your missing

  Winning is my happiness elsewhere

  Not the bad taste I left

  So I leave behind desert.

  2020-07-23

  Poem, poetry

  ---

• your anger is not mine

  I don’t choose to have enemies

  Your anger isn’t my business

  Until you set it in front of me

  Even then, I don’t have to play tit for tat

  I can decide not to engage

  I can endeavor not to react

  Maybe that means I’m not tough

  Because I won’t play your game of dirty

  I’m like my sweet and kind stuff

  I see that anger is a chunky pill

  It’ll weigh me down if I ingest it

  And I don’t need it to feel full.

  2020-07-18

  Poem, poetry

  ---

• good not great

  I have a good personality

  Not the median or the max

  And above average intelligence

  A solid “B” student

  Patient and persistant

  I mostly get stuff done

  Loving but introverted

  I may not be the best

  Flawed and honest

  But I’m certainly not the worst.

  2020-07-09

  Poem, poetry

  ---

• theory into practice

  Ideas abound

  Untested theories to try

  But the practical steps 

  Are not always so easy

  There are books to read

  But learning is limited by words

  A model is a representation

  Even a blueprint is on paper

  Doing teaches us better

  But adults are expected to know

  Not to explore like a clumsy child

  Failure is the freedom to try again

  But forgiveness is rare

  And mentors hard to find

  All that left is persistence

  The willingness to look foolish

  To find a lessons in mistake

  To keep trying regardless of reward.

  2020-07-01

  Poem, poetry

  ---

• yearning for new grass

  Daily watering the same brown patch

  Investing hope in a color change

  The lack of difference is exausting

  The hints and promises of new growth

  As the weeds get taller and grass dies

  Endless false starts grind away hope

  The grass isn’t always greener

  But maybe a new start can wake us up

  Maybe fresh hope is enough.

  2020-06-17

  Poem, poetry

  ---

• people change for themselves

  People can change

  But they change for themselves

  And they often don’t try to change

  It is a natural, unexpected evolution

  There comes a point when

  The promise of future change is a lie

  Where the pattern of actual behavior

  Is clear and inescapable

  At some point it’s time 

  to stop believing words repeated

  To recognize actions as answers

  To think about your power to choose

  If you pin your future on another

  You are at the behest if their behavior

  If you choose your power of choice

  You may not wait for change in another.

  2020-06-13

  Poem, poetry

  ---

• personal apocalypse

  That sick moment 

  when you realize the ugly truth

  That you’ve invested yourself

  In something that has no future

  Where you stubbornly held faith

  Sacrificed pieces of yourself

  Gave into one sided compromise

  For something that didn’t work

  Suddenly, after so long,

  You can’t keep from seeing it

  The truth slaps you in the face

  And the sun won’t let you sleep

  You don’t want to give up

  You hate the idea of giving in

  But you can’t stand where you are

  You ache to move forward

  So you dive into the unknown

  Gamble on the risk of worse

  To relieve the pain of foolish

  You choose a new costume.

  2020-06-08

  Poem, poetry

  ---

• not on the picket line

  I always knew I wouldn’t be out

  If true unrest came to my time

  And now it’s come to pass

  In my safe bubble I feel anxiety

  As I watch the world outside burn

  Sacrifice is the precursor to equity

  What they do is better than me

  There is no excuse for my priveledge

  I won’t justify my passivity

  In my heart, I support those protesting

  In my words, I support human rights

  But, no, I’m not on the front lines.

  2020-06-05

  Poem, poetry

  ---

• liar liar

  Why do you lie frivolusly?

  Throwing out half truths 

  With no real purpose

  Why don’t you speak true,

  When asked directly?

  You say one thing

  And then behave opposite

  I don’t see your hidden purpose

  I dont know your unspoken logic

  And I’ve dared to ask for both

  You just don’t make sense

  I want to give you the benefit

  I’m fighting my persistant doubt

  My fault is in looking for good

  When the evidence points to bad

  I dont want to dismiss you completely

  But I’m strugglig to see

  The value you bring

  The benefit of you

  It’s sad, really.

  2020-05-24

  Poem, poetry

  ---

• not my tantrum

  If I’ve stated my case

  Tried to be clear more than once

  And you still won’t listen

  I concede to your stuborn

  Indifference is cruel

  A worse punishment than anger

  It’s not my business to fix you

  It’s my right to go silent

  I don’t reward bad behavior

  I don’t participate in stupid

  I don’t have to fight

  Just because I’m right

  You keep flailing at the wind

  As I calmly walk away

  You can have the win

  I choose my own peace.

  2020-05-20

  Poem, poetry

  ---

• supporting cast

  Some of us are not the first choice

  Not the significant other

  Not even the best friend

  Some of us are supporting cast

  We may be the lead in our own story

  But have no lines in another’s

  Maybe we’re a lone wolf

  Which sounds really romantic

  Except for the separate part

  The table for one part

  The feeling like an outcast part

  Some of us even prefer the quiet

  A single bed in a studio apartment

  A noted lack of roomates

  No disruptions or chaos

  Being alone isn’t all bad

  It’s being lonely that sucks

  Not knowing who to call

  Not having holiday plans

  Not being an emergency contact

  Some of us know we arent the favorite

  And this is the introverts dilemma

  Maintaining much needed relationships

  While sustaining much needed space.

  2020-05-17

  Poem, poetry

  ---

• a biased animal

  Embracing plurality is hard

  The human animal likes familiar

  Perfection is a false belief

  True acceptance an ongoing battle

  We are humans, not robots

  We live with emotion 

  And individual perception

  The best we can do

  Is aim to know our bias

  Try to understand our priveledge

  Forgive our mistakes

  Keep striving for wisdom

  The complication keeps us alive

  Too much same is boring

  Our difference makes us beautiful.

  2020-05-14

  Poem, poetry

  ---

• putting aside anger

  My anger lives in me

  That means I have a choice

  I can choose to kick it out

  Or make it go to its room

  Or try to calm it with reason

  My anger doesn’t control me

  I don’t have to feed its fire

  I don’t have to drink its poison

  Sure, there are things I can’t fix

  Awful things in this world

  Things unfair, that hurt my heart

  But I can choose how I feel

  I can decide on forgiveness

  And compassion and calm

  I can make living with myself easier

  By deciding to be the better person

  Making anger an infrequent visitor.

  2020-05-13

  Poem, poetry

  ---

• toxic masculinity

  You tighten the screws on you nuts

  And wonder why your dick hurts

  We tell you unscrewing is an option

  And you add weight to the aparatus

  You wonder why love isn’t yours

  As your lonely dick spewes hate

  When we tell you love comes from love

  You demand to be worshiped

  Its hard to forgive the unrepentant

  Impossible to teach the stubornly stupid

  Sometimes we have to save ourselves

  From the toxic perpetraited by your sex.

  2020-05-12

  Poem, poetry

  ---

• quietly defiant

  Faith is not changed through fact

  Belief is belligerent and stubborn

  Fighting face to face is fruitless

  People change only for themselves

  How do we persist without impatience

  When the war we want to win

  It about bringing both sides together

  I can quietly persist in my defiance

  My defiance can be faith in humanity

  My belief can be that science saves us

  My forgiveness will be for everyone.

  2020-05-12

  Poem, poetry

  ---