Category: poetry

• lonely american

  We don’t have culture

  We have individualism

  We have competition

  There is no neighborhood

  Or a close knit family

  We live on insular little pods

  A small family unit

  If they die, we are alone

  We are divided by color

  The color of our skin or belief

  Black or white or red or blue

  We live under forced capitolism

  Our employer is our master

  As employees we are servants

  And they will discard us at will

  Loyalty is an act we put on

  While struggling on our own.

  2024-11-18

  ---

• money doesn't make culture

  Capitolism isn’t culture

  It’s a lifestyle that propogates greed

  And encourages exploitation

  For the sake of personal gain

  It’s an individualistic belief

  That some people deserve less

  Enforcing a social hierarky

  That is based on the best hustle

  Promoting monetary gain

  Over taking care of us all

  Capitolism doesn’t care about you

  And doesn’t take care of anyone.

  2024-11-11

  ---

• the idea of hell is cruel

  Eternity of suffering for a limited life

  And the hints at sin are varied

  In books written eons ago

  Translated in the perspective of man

  And there isn’t just one version

  Some of us are born chosen

  But all of us are born with sin

  Some of us get taught the right rules

  The whole idea of hell us unfair

  Based a gamble that you know right

  A gamble stacked by circumstance

  Isn’t life hard enough

  To be confused by the possibility

  Of forever hell to pay for

  My limited time on this earth

  I’d rather aim to make good here

  Live the least painful life I can

  To harm the fewest people I can

  Knowing that eternity comes later.

  2024-11-04

  atheist, Poem, poetry

  ---

• not gonna be

  I’m supposed to be eager

  to turn on my fellow human

  In order to be at the top

  Suggesting I should

  sacrifice my humanity

  To be better than the rest

  But it’s funny how I’m not

  I don’t want the hierarky

  Instead I want more for us all

  I have this liberal idea of utopia

  Where compassion is the real win

  Capitalist ideally is lost on me

  Because I want more for us all

  Instead of just more for me.

  2024-10-28

  ---

• You can't profit forever

  Capitolism isn’t sustainable

  You run out of goods

  The supply diminishes

  Or the market is flooded

  And the worth disappears

  But they keep playing

  Like the game never ends

  The system defies logic

  Because some believe blindy

  Faith in the mighty dollar

  Leading to a sad end

  Because eventually we all loose.

  2024-10-21

  ---

• Good is a performance

  Having a law makes us feel good

  Good people don’t break the law

  So there’s an imaginary line

  Of things you don’t do on purpose

  And that protects the vulnerable

  Because we alllook to act right

  But really we just don’t want to get caught

  It isn’t that the bad stuff doesn’t happen

  It’s just less people are obvious about it

  Or they don’t realize what they’ve done

  And the law cant informed a lack of intent

  Implicit bias goes unpunished

  It doesn’t happen intentionally

  The conundrum is when it isn’t on purpose

  When the hidden becomes seen.

  2024-10-14

  ---

• talent of a modern lady

  Dark green moss floss

  Pulled tight on a tapestry

  A textile painting of a forest

  Taking me out of the modern world

  A way to repair my brain

  This hobby soothes my soul

  Away from the electric screens

  Pushing around icons for payment

  Binging serial fiction for distraction

  The sound of needle and thread

  A stab, a slide, and a pop

  As I pull the thread taught

  I’m a lady idle in her craft

  Self care coming in the form of art.

  2024-10-07

  ---

• The kink lost its way

  Feeding into a man’s desire to own

  To take care of me as his own

  Contradicts my feminism

  And wanting to be dominated

  When patriarchy exists

  Is playing out a cliche

  We can’t call it a kink

  When it’s heteronormative

  When these are acceptable roles

  A wife in the kitchen and a slut in bed

  He pays the bills and I take care of him

  Realizing my desire is a stereotype

  My secret desires aren’t so secret

  Once written into tv it isn’t alternative

  My secrets are boring like everyones.

  2024-09-30

  feminist, Poem, poetry

  ---

• not my lies

  There isn’t enough reward

  money or love or power or influence

  That would get me to play along

  To keep up someone else’s lies

  I’m not here to prop up the facade

  I can always exit the scenario

  Your rational of a better good

  Doesn’t convince me to play along

  Quite the opposite, it stirs suspicion

  That these lies aren’t for good

  And will not leave my life improved

  So I choose to live my authentic life

  I don’t have to shoulder your burden

  I have to live with myself

  I can defy your silent requirement.

  2024-09-23

  ---

• winners create loosers

  Capitolism required exploitation

  Colonialism requires conquering

  These systems aren’t fair or equal

  They are unequal by design

  Yes, a looser can become a winner

  If you can freeze your empathy

  You can crawl your way to the top

  There must be loss in order to win

  Wealth is about hoarding money

  The winners taking more of the pool

  The loosers getting less of the share

  Money is the most gluttonous game

  A free market is harsh and unforgiving

  It takes more than it invests

  It doesn’t encourage ethics

  It isn’t diverse or equitable or inclusive

  When ballace sheets are important

  When in constant pursuit of more

  Community is in the way

  People suffer from lack of care.

  2024-09-16

  ---

• hidden lady parts

  A woman who owns her pleasure

  To be authentic in her sexuality

  Is a woman who is slut shamed

  Because a good girl is chaste

  A lady is demure and mysterious

  Only a slut is prideful in passion

  We exist in cognitive dissonance

  An ability to feel pleasure

  But pressured to deny it

  In our youth sex is a taboo flavor

  A background noise we ignore

  Despite its persistent allure

  As hormones pump through us

  We associate orgasm with shame

  Our body is fir a mans enjoyment

  A vessel for seed and procreation

  Not a thing we get to enjoy.

  2024-09-09

  feminist, Poem, poetry

  ---

• defy humble

  I should inspire myself

  I deserve my own praise

  I’m surviving day to day

  Through frustration and pain

  I live within my limits

  Best of my circumstances

  But im not here to inspire you

  Your pity isn’t welcome

  You should inspire yourself

  Defy the demand to be humble

  And give yourself a gold star

  Because im going to take mine

  And you deserve no less than me.

  2024-09-02

  ---

• the old you

  I dream of who you used to be

  That’s not who you are now

  In the dream I tell you to go away

  Because you abandoned me

  And the memory of my love

  Haunts me and taunts me

  Because I want to share my life

  With the person that you were

  I miss that person intensely

  Because they are just a memory.

  2024-08-26

  ---

• clueless man

  The love of my life was clueless

  Buried in his masculinity

  Proudly called himself a feminist

  But couldn’t see his wife’s misery

  Blamed me for his bad behaviors

  Because I wasn’t his perfect wife

  he couldn’t save me

  Because he didn’t know me

  I did my best to inform him

  But he missed all the obvious clues

  He was wrapped in his own reality

  The priveledge of men

  Blinds them to reality of women.

  2024-08-19

  feminist, Poem, poetry

  ---

• alone girl

  The girl who always played by herself

  Stepping away from the crowd

  Because they are overwhelming

  Telling stories to herself

  A private theater of the mind

  People are hard to talk to

  They misinterpret her as aloof

  And her kindness as needy

  She knows the difference

  Alone isn’t always lonely.

  2024-08-12

  ---

• twisted capitolism

  We idolize our villains

  Giving praise to a billionaire

  Even as they steal from us

  We expect to be cheated

  They give us less for our more

  The system is sociopathic

  We don’t reward kindness

  We reward those who win

  We are complicit in our wage theft

  The all mighty dollar is king

  And our lives spent in servitude.

  2024-08-10

  Poem

  ---

• individual flaw

  The hubris in thinking you know me

  Because we are both human

  Or that you might know better for me

  Like I don’t know myself

  Thinking you can logic your way

  Into understanding my experience

  As if logic has anything to do with it

  You really see yourself as godlike

  The failing of mankind is patterns

  Making mosaics from chaos

  Faith in our flawed perception

  Even when our limitations are clear

  You don’t know me better

  Than I know myself

  But you’d like to think

  You know the best of us both.

  2024-07-29

  Poem

  ---

• institutional torture

  Hospitals are hell

  With all the best intentions

  They don’t respect sleep

  And rotating staff

  Is an introvert nightmare

  With purposeful lack of autonomy

  We hand them all the power

  In the promise of improved health

  Because they are experts

  And we are merely patients

  They down play the profit they make

  From this traumatic time in our life

  And don’t ask what we want

  They belive they’ve covered our needs

  Even as they traumatize us with their care.

  2024-07-22

  Poem

  ---

• supposed noncompliance

  Doctors don’t trust us

  And they don’t listen either

  They don’t like us to be smart

  Or to be informed enough to say no

  They see us as uncooperative children

  Disparaging our understanding

  They arent partners in our care

  They reluctantly ask for consent

  But label us an uncooperative

  If we dare stand up for ourself

  We advocate in a vacume

  Against many levels of opression

  The world doesn’t like it

  When you question its heros.

  2024-07-15

  Poem

  ---

• away from the flame

  The definition of true love

  Diverged when it comes to passion

  I wanted to foster the long coals

  You wanted to throw wood on the fire

  I don’t want passion that burns bright

  That can turn into fierce anger

  Or be smothered by boredom

  I want admiration and respect

  A long term commitment

  A tinder that has to be tended

  My fire won’t burn down a
  forrest.

  But it’ll keep us warm for many nights.

  2024-07-08

  Poem, poetry

  ---

• why aren't you better

  Medical coding won’t let them

  Treat random symptoms

  They need a diagnosis to treat

  Whatever is quick and easy

  So, I have a collection of diagnosis

  My medical chart is a muddy pool

  Without any helpful treatments

  Full of dismissal and contradictions

  Suggesting I’m faking or imagining

  If I visit them for a new symptom

  They might give me a new diagnosis

  But I don’t want another one

  Another reason for their rejection

  Another way to doubt what I say

  There is no cure for a medical mystery

  I’ve learned to live with my symptoms.

  2024-07-01

  disability, Poem, poetry

  ---

• today's is awful

  Some days I wish I could skip

  When it’s hard to sit up

  And the pain is persistent

  Treatement may take off the edge

  But background pain lingers

  All I can do is tough it out

  And wait for healing to happen

  Hoping tommorow is less awful

  I sleep as much as I can

  But some parts are spent awake

  And that is the part I want to forget

  I know things will get better

  And I want to live another day

  Just wish I could skip today.

  2024-06-24

  disability, Poem, poetry

  ---

• the less painful path

  Pretty is more important than life

  That’s what they mean by lose weight

  They know it won’t work

  That your body fights back

  But hunger is acceptable

  You don’t need to enjoy life

  Your discomfort is worth fitting in

  Health is more important than food

  Thats what they mean by eat right

  They blame us for not having time

  Or money or access or willpower

  Tell us don’t pay attention to hunger

  Your body doesn’t know what it needs

  Follow their inconsistent rules

  Believe in the promise of a result

  They’re not interested in science

  Thin is healthy but fat is inevitable

  Maybe I’m doomed to unhealthy

  Maybe I’ve embraced fat and happy

  I’m not trusting an uncertain promise

  By buying into proven discomfort.

  2024-06-17

  Poem, poetry

  ---

• equality isn't equity

  The problem with equality

  Is that it ignores my disability 

  And that’s the problem

  Sure, you may hire me

  Because I have the skills

  But then you judge my actions

  With the exact same metric

  As able bodied employees

  You expect me to fit in

  For my behavior to conform

  Regardless of my mental stability

  Getting a job is a first step

  Equality makes to hard to keep a job

  Equity would give me the tools

  So we can all live with my difference.

  2024-06-10

  Poem, poetry

  ---

• imagined illness

  When illness is not your life

  It’s a way to get out of expectation

  But when illness is everyday

  It’s an inescapable private truth

  More likely something you try to hide

  Until it can’t be hidden anymore

  It comes out when we can’t escape it

  The veracity of our truth is doubted

  Because the majority use it as a lie

  But it’s ill health we wish to lie about 

  If only our illness was imagined.

  2024-06-03

  disability, Poem, poetry

  ---

• why must I remind you I'm human

  I am not a fragile flower

  Or your identified patient

  Until I’m dead, I’m surviving

  I deserve independentance

  And whatever autonomy I can have

  Treating me different doesn’t help

  It just makes me feel seperate

  Treating me as incompetent

  Just makes me like you less

  It isn’t yours to manage my health

  Illness doesnt respect expectations

  Symptoms don’t conform to timelines

  Your frustration just makes me worse

  And all your aims to get me in line

  Like your uninformed advice

  And you unsolicited help

  Are a barrier to your understanding

  Give me the respect of personhood

  Why must I remind you I’m human?

  2024-05-27

  Poem, poetry

  ---

• so many voices

  Academica wants to study

  Non-Profits want awareness 

  Lobbyist want power

  And grassroots wants change

  All fighting for an ideal

  Somehow seperated by minutia

  Siloed in our conversations 

  Feeling richeous in our goals

  Our voces together would be loud

  But infighting keeps us apart

  In the hierarky of important voices

  Can we hear the oppressed first?

  2024-05-20

  Poem, poetry

  ---

• their big lie

  At an early age, life didn’t make sense

  What I saw didn’t match what I felt

  And I was taught to speak up

  So I said what I thought was true

  And they assured me I was wrong

  That I wasn’t feeling what I felt

  And I wasn’t seeing what I saw

  Quickly, I learned to doubt myself

  And the next time I was incongruent

  I participated in my own gaslighting

  Thought I didn’t know what I felt

  And I didn’t know what I saw

  But the contradictions kept coming

  What they said and how I felt

  But how I felt was consistent

  And their orders often conflicted

  So I chose to believe in myself

  I let myself rebel againt what I’m told

  The world still doesn’t make sense

  But at least I trust in me.

  2024-05-13

  Poem, poetry

  ---

• not the plan

  How did this happen?

  I planned to be an novelist

  To write great sweeping stories

  And call myself an author

  But that’s not what I do

  Instead, I compulsively summarize

  Encapsulate my feeling in words

  In this blasted dead art form

  I didn’t seek poetry as a goal

  But damned if I’m not a poet.

  2024-05-06

  Poem, poetry

  ---

• my body is vindictive

  Body positive is about self-love

  Body neutrality is about acceptance

  Fat liberation is about equal rights

  But my body is also defiant

  I inflict myself on the world

  Skimpy clothes showing it all off

  Bright colors and bold patterns

  Encouraging passing stares

  Challenging disdainful looks

  Not here to make you comfortable

  Fat and proud and defiant.

  2024-04-29

  Poem, poetry

  ---

• can't think it away

  Even when you don’t believe

  When you question what you see

  My symptoms are still here

  What I feel is very real to me

  Your lack of faith in what I say

  Doesn’t change my everyday

  Such hubris in your fantasy

  That you’re an expert on me

  I reject your ignorant decree

  You’ve not stopped my experience 

  Just stopped me in what I speak

  I learn not to share with you.

  2024-04-22

  Poem, poetry

  ---

• not able bodied

  When I look back over my life

  Even when I thought I was healthy

  I was still sick, mentaly or physicaly

  The limits of my understanding

  Meant I translated my experience

  Into what others call healthy

  But I don’t know what that feels like

  I’m not able bodied, never have been.

  2024-04-16

  Poem, poetry

  ---

• you don't own me

  “My taxes pay for you”

  What a delusion of grandure 

  Paired with flagrant ignorance

  Maybe a minorty to you’re majority

  But the amount you personally pay

  That goes into programs for me

  Isn’t even a drop in the bucket

  Not even a molecule of vapor

  At best you’re homeopathy 

  A hint of tears in the ocean

  Diluted by the greater populace

  If I ignored your flawed logic

  And your lack of compassion 

  Let us just be equal and fair

  If you want freedom of choice for you

  Stop suggesting ownership of me.

  2024-04-08

  Poem, poetry

  ---

• no prayers, please

  The problem with you praying for me

  Is that your praying for God to fix me

  Because you think I’m wrong

  My life is sad and I must be saved

  But isn’t your God purposeful

  Maybe he put me here to test you

  To see if you can have compassion

  For someone that doesn’t fit

  Into your view of his world?

  2024-04-01

  atheist, disability, Poem, poetry

  ---

• uneven bias

  Just an idea in your head

  Representing words unsaid

  Lip twisted in judgement

  At the perceived lesser 

  While you’re punching down

  I’m scowling at your crown

  You don’t have to know me

  To let yourself think poorly

  Your bias and mine

  Clash all of the time

  Because I’m punching up

  Rejecting my oppressor.

  2024-03-25

  Poem, poetry

  ---

• employed minority

  The problem is keeping the job

  Sure, we fought to get the job

  We fought to get through school

  Persistence took us this far

  But this isn’t a battle for promotion

  Or getting paid a living wage

  We are still fighting for survival

  As an easy target for rejection

  With excuses of team dynamics

  Because we just don’t fit in

  Culture forces us to the outside 

  It’s easier to get rid of us

  Than to make a space for us.

  2024-03-18

  Poem, poetry

  ---

• Doctors are people too

  Doctors are my least favorite people

  But I can be mad at someone

  Without dehumanizing them

  They’re not trying to be mean

  They’re a product of their training

  They’re expected to be superhuman

  Authoritarian and competitive 

  They are restricted by insurance

  Who get the final say in treatement 

  And I don’t make their job easy

  I’m a complicated patient

  My symptoms are confounding 

  I already have multiple diagnoses 

  They dismiss me as a mental case

  Because my symptoms are chronic

  Because the simple tests are negative 

  Because they don’t have time for me

  So, I admit Doctors are people

  People in power that treat me poorly 

  And the compassion I have

  Is follow-up by earned distrust.

  2024-03-11

  Poem, poetry

  ---

• part of my personality

  You question why I talk about it

  As if the answer isn’t clear

  C’mon, just think for a second,

  Imagine where I’m coming from

  This lives within me everyday

  Were talking about my quality of life

  Restricting my daily activity of living

  What kind of delusion would it be

  If it wasn’t a part of my personality

  Not metaphorically but literally

  Keeping silent for your comfort

  Doesn’t make my life easier

  Since I can’t avoid it or deny it

  I’m not going to hide it.

  2024-03-04

  Poem, poetry

  ---

• anticipating judgement

  Let me be clear

  I’m not making anything up

  I spend my time isolating

  And lying about what I feel

  And avoiding the topic of health

  Smiling through my discomfort

  Actively minimizing my needs

  So you won’t ever know

  What’s going on with me

  Because when I open up

  I get shamed by doctors

  Teated poorly by bosses

  Doubted by my friends

  The world isn’t welcoming

  People treat me differently

  There isn’t a reward for honesty

  When it comes to disability.

  2024-02-26

  Poem, poetry

  ---

• accomidation for all

  Remove reason from accomidation

  Reject the idea of undue hardship

  It leads to false argument

  If you already treat your staff shitty

  Any request for change is a battle

  Doesn’t matter who makes a request

  Employers reject workplace change

  Even when it’s low cost or no cost

  So, this isn’t just about disability

  It’s about core labor rights

  Most staff have individual needs

  We should have tools to do our job

  Get flexibility between work and life

  Accomidation is considered radical

  Because a job is seen as a priveledge

  What if staff were seen as valuable

  Deserving of a job molding to them

  A workplace finding a place for us

  Instead of rejection for a bad fit

  All staff deserve accomidation

  When employers accomidated want

  It’s not so radical to accomidate need.

  2024-02-19

  Poem, poetry

  ---

• Stop pushing the narrative

  Your suggestion it’s our fault

  This thing we were born with

  Is victim blaming at best

  And eugenics at worst

  We don’t deserve this

  We didn’t earn it

  Your lack of compassion

  And your willful ignorance

  Perpetuates a harmful myth

  Dare I ask you be more kind

  In the way you view a stranger.

  2024-02-12

  Poem, poetry

  ---

• leave the game

  Peace is not easy

  The world gets in the way

  People like their familiar

  Even when it’s painful

  Fighting is what they know

  How do I avoid lonely

  But also not participate

  People come with drama

  How do I not get treated poorly

  Without always fighting for me

  How do I not aim to win

  But also not aim to lose

  People want to be the best

  I have to step away from it

  Leave the game

  Standing slightly apart

  Cautious towards the world

  Choosing not to fight people

  Developing habits that save me

  From a culture trying to defeat me.

  2024-02-06

  Poem, poetry

  ---

• public forced isolation

  No more masks for you

  You won’t be forced to vaccinate

  It’s your right to spread disease

  Passively killing in your wake

  Those old “Ugly Laws” are gone

  But you still actively shun us

  Put the burden of health on us

  Believe only the fit should survive

  You don’t want to see us

  Or understand our experience

  Thinking about us is tiring

  It’s just easier if we are invisible

  One day you will be old

  And age will probably bring disability

  But that is for future you to know

  Current you prefers your ignorance.

  2024-01-29

  Poem, poetry

  ---

• supposedly imagined pain

  The stories goes that I’m faking

  My discomfort isn’t real

  Women make such a big deal

  And fat women deserve it

  And black women don’t feel it

  They suggest I’m malingering

  And I’m seeking attention

  I should, “learn to live with it”

  They say mental illness isn’t painful

  Nor is rejection or loneliness

  The fact that it’s persistent

  Makes it less believable

  Only a doctor can define it

  And throw a pill at it to cure it

  But even without treatment

  If only I would believe myself better

  If only I was tough enough

  Then I could stop my chronic pain.

  2024-01-22

  Poem, poetry

  ---

• bootstrap envy

  I envy the priveledge of bootstraps

  The social ability to foster connection

  The physical stamina to work extra

  The attractive features to fit in

  The backing of family and friends

  The access to education and training

  Toss in some luck and persistance

  And you say, “That’s all it takes!”

  (To become a rare success story)

  But I don’t envy your ignorance

  You can’t see your own priveledge.

  2024-01-15

  Poem, poetry

  ---

• bias of the medical model

  I use the term “medical model”

  As a short hand for doctors are limited

  Because they focus on broad strokes

  They only believe the statistical norm

  Focusing on tests and clear patterns

  A set of specific diagnosis criteria

  So if symptoms are varied and vague

  They are likely to say nothing is wrong

  Or to suggest “it’s in your head”

  They’re not searching for an outlier

  We’re not the exception to the rule

  Patients are stupid and uninformed

  Doctors the authoritative expert

  And we should trust their declaration

  Believe them over our own body.

  2024-01-08

  Poem, poetry

  ---

• losing priveledge

  You are losing something

  The extra you have isn’t yours

  It was unfair when was given to you

  Distributed unequally at birth

  And now it feels unfair to loose it

  Like you’re being stolen from

  But you are returning stolen goods

  The fair part is you sharing

  Giving up the extra you have

  So that everyone can have some.

  2024-01-01

  Poem, poetry

  ---

• health I never had

  I see health in others

  And miss a life I can’t know

  An imagined experience

  I grieve for what I never got

  I morn the life I’m missing

  The freedom I don’t have

  Settling into a compromise

  With my imperfect body

  I’m frustrated by new symptoms

  Trapped in this tightening trap

  As my body betrays me

  I adjust to the new normal

  But I can’t live in grief

  So I give myself space to feel

  Light a candle for my loss

  And then turn back to the life I have.

  2023-12-25

  Poem, poetry

  ---

• I want a wife

  Wish I could find a man to be my wife

  Who’s totally devoted to my needs

  Gives me endless free labor

  Asks for the bare minimum in return

  A man focused on my desire

  To be on display when I choose

  Who’s aware I can replace him

  With a younger, more eager version

  Is happily barefoot in the kitchen

  Making our house a home

  Sacrifices his own needs

  Because my needs come first

  And he would know his place

  Because I gave him my name

  A wife is the reward I deserve

  My prize and proof I won at life.

  2023-12-18

  Poem, poetry

  ---

• cleave people from the herd

  We’re your sickly and old

  The ones that can’t keep up

  Falling behind in the race

  The ones you sacrifice

  You see us as disposable

  Or you choose to be blind

  Except you are setting yourself up

  For a future of being culled, too

  When you forget compassion and care

  You ignore that we’re in your herd

  You may choose to see us

  But we can’t help but see you.

  2023-12-11

  Poem, poetry

  ---