Category: poetry

• private perception

  I can’t see through your eyes

  I don’t know what role I play

  In your story I could be the villian 

  Or I could be the Saint

  You might see me as perfect

  Or an example of failure

  My fault is being curious

  Imaging stories of your perception

  It’s none of my business 

  Your thoughts of me are private 

  I need to focus on how I define me

  Be less concerned with what you see.

  2022-11-14

  ---

• opposite doesn't mean opposition

  Different is painful

  It can seem like an attack

  Opposite can feel like opposition

  When, in reality, its not about you

  You’re judging yourself by my choices

  And being mad because you don’t fit

  You’re not the center of my universe

  Anymore than I am the center of yours

  My choices don’t stomp out yours 

  And I won’t let your life define mine

  Try to see yourself seperate from me

  At a distance of worlds apart

  You’ll realize we won’t collide 

  I’m not even tugging at your gravity

  We’re not objects that rotate in sync

  We’re in seperate solar systems.

  2022-11-07

  ---

• special for a while

  I was special for a moment

  They treated me different 

  Like I was bright and shiny 

  And then the shine wore off

  Suddenly I was tarnished

  Just another person to blame

  To receive their dismissal and disdain 

  They looped me in with all the rest

  A failure to their perfection test

  Because everyone was always wrong

  While they were always right.

  2022-11-05

  ---

• discrete annoyance

  My annoyance is not your business

  These are my private thoughts

  And thoughts can be unfair

  They can be stupid and pointless

  They may have nothing to do with you

  They can disappear in an instant

  Your annoyance is not my business

  You are allowed your feelings

  You deserve your privacy

  You can decide which battles you fight

  Or choose to forgive my flaws

  Your silence is yours to keep

  Dare I suggest for us both

  Fleeting frustration isn’t of value

  It might just be a passing spark

  Until that spark turns to flame

  Until the flame is unavoidable 

  It might be better to let it go.

  2022-11-01

  Poem, poetry

  ---

• no nice guys

  Nice men aren’t real

  Because nice is a performance

  It’s an act to make us comfortable

  Following the rules of a social script

  Kind men play a different game

  They don’t hide behind polite

  They can be blunt and direct

  As they deliver their compassion

  Because kind isn’t a transaction

  Kind isn’t always nice or easy

  It can have boundaries and be akward

  But give me a kind man anyday

  I much prefer that over a nice guy.

  2022-10-24

  Poem, poetry

  ---

• loose lady bits

  My pussy is used and experienced

  When it’s excited it’s slippery

  It understands pleasure

  My twat isn’t young or virginal

  It isn’t like unopened package

  Inexperience isn’t my game

  Let me be clear, tight is painful

  So why is a woman’s displeasure

  The ideal that men must aim?

  2022-10-18

  Poem, poetry

  ---

• personal space

  Imagine my skin is barbed wire

  There are spikes on my shoulder

  Cactus pins at the base of my back

  Treat me like I’m dangerous to touch

  Like you need expert tools

  My body isnt a public space

  It’s not freely open to strangers 

  This is a private club, key required

  Wait for permission to enter

  If you refuse the rule of consent

  Then I want nothing to do with you

  Give me the chance to invite you

  And I’ll consider your application.

  2022-10-10

  Poem, poetry

  ---

• poetry

  Poems are just wild thoughts

  Ideas we forgot to keep to ourselves

  Perception roaming outside our mind

  We share our words with abandon

  Hoping someone else will see us.

  2022-10-04

  Poem, poetry

  ---

• clumsy

  Not aware of the space around me

  Where my body fits or goes

  My limbs are like marionet pieces

  And I’m never a perfect puppeteer 

  Always surprised when I stub my toe

  Wasn’t aware of my foot before that

  Or when I bump into another person 

  Its like my body came out of nowhere

  There must be spacial awareness

  For those with graceful bodies

  but I’m more like an unaware ghost

  Suddenly dumped in an earthly form. 

  2022-09-26

  ---

• noobs don't know

  It’s tiring saying the same thing

  Over and over and over again

  Leading others through their journey

  When we already learned that lesson

  We had to do it the hard way

  We had to do it without hand holding

  We resent making it easy for others

  Inviting means emotional labor

  It requires patience and kindness

  But that is the way we pass it on

  One conversation at a time

  Repeating the same old mantra

  That’s how we keep ourselves true

  And how we change the world.

  2022-09-19

  Poem, poetry

  ---

• men don't like women

  Men don’t like womanliness

  They want access to our bodies

  They put a number on our desirability

  But they’re repelled by the thought

  Of a man being like a woman

  Feminine traits are not respectable 

  They see our value as care givers

  Our value as a doting companion

  But they don’t emulate our femininity 

  They like us to be soft and compliant

  Desire us young, innocent, and virginal 

  They want to protect and dominate us

  But they don’t invite us as equals

  They think consent is implied

  Where spoken “no” is an unspoken “yes”

  Like we don’t know our own minds

  The subtext of “happy wife, happy life”

  Is a contract where they’re entitled

  Where sex is something withheld

  Ourbody is a payment that is owed

  The medicine of the feminine

  Is a pill they take resentfully

  We are are an itch they must scratch

  An unplesant burden they must endure

  Not something they’d ever want to become.

  2022-09-13

  ---

• not royal

  Not a princess

  Don’t wannabe queen

  Not here to be rescued

  Or waiting to be seen

  My body and beauty

  Can fuck right off

  Physical form limits

  Eyes on me are a trap

  I didn’t ask for a binary

  Or gender to define me

  So I refuse that evaluation

  Reject role of mother or wifey

  I love my lovely ladies

  Suporting my sister in strife

  If I must define my worth

  It’ll be what I alone bring to life.

  2022-09-06

  ---

• new space race

  A billion dollars annotates

  A caricature of a human

  With the luxury of leaving this world

  Using us workers as human bricks

  They build a staircase to the sky

  The mortar is our worship of them

  Our irrational desire to join them

  In the capitalist gamble for wealth

  That delusion keeps us pinned here

  We give them our lives in productivity

  While they hoard many lifetimes of wealth

  Rocket ship roar of of their victory

  We watch withour feet tied to earth.

  2022-08-30

  ---

• double meaning

  Sneaky words

  Sometime sound good

  Slowly second meaning

  Contorts context and tone 

  Compliment twists into criticism

  The words bite from underneath

  Hidden monster pulls us under

  Air is replaced by water

  Emotive as we drown

  Emotionally flailing 

  To just words

  Right?

  2022-08-23

  ---

• we fight to fight

  Put us in a room

  Activists and advocates

  A group of strong willed people

  Opinionated and passionate 

  And expect a fight

  We start out fighting the world

  But when the world won’t listen

  We fight amongst ourselves

  Because warriors don’t wait 

  We will find a war to win

  Even if that war take us down.

  2022-08-15

  Poem, poetry

  ---

• elusive and elite

  Being an expert is exclusive

  It means you know fancy words

  A language specific to your expertise 

  But the culture of competition

  Means expertise is not inviting

  It’s treated like a private club

  If you haven’t paid your dues

  Proving your worth in words

  Then you are effectively shut out

  The elite don’t want to guide you

  They don’t want to make it easy

  Knowledge is secret and selective

  Taking the time to translate is tiring

  When experts wail about mass stupidity

  Bemoaning request to dumb it down

  They seem to forget the part they played

  Making their knowledge unaccessable

  When they used fancy words to smarten it up.

  2022-08-08

  Poem, poetry

  ---

• jaded old lady

  I don’t envy the young

  Romance alive in their hearts

  Full of ideals and blind faith

  Believing the lies we’re told

  The young don’t envy me

  Jaded by years of experience 

  Unable to escape our human failings

  Seeing through the lies we’re sold

  We live on different sides of age

  I don’t think humans can have both

  The naievete and hope of youth

  The practical wisdom of being old.

  2022-08-02

  Poem, poetry

  ---

• you are not me

  we are us, as in more than one

  but you is you, and I is I

  we are not I, and you is not I

  don’t confuse you with me

  as I know me better

  And you know you better

  and we only know the little

  that you or I decide to share

  between us.

  2022-07-26

  Poem, poetry

  ---

• intrusive thoughts

  Drowning in my own tea

  A shallow pool to fall into

  I brewed my own destruction

  Because my face can’t swim

  I forgo the sugar and milk

  Brush aside a useless cup

  Spill a pool into the saucer

  And dive in with mouth wide

  A dramatic pause of held breath

  It was a random thought, not intent

  An uninvited image in my head

  Instead of an inhale, I suck

  Slurping up my internal drama

  I know I can’t breath that leafy water

  And I wouldn’t choose to choke

  Tip the saucer up to finish my drink

  My tea is done, the image gone

  Now back to acting normal.

  2022-07-19

  Poem, poetry

  ---

• loud silence

  The voice in my head is so loud

  With so many things to say

  Things I leave painfully unspoken

  With every passing day

  The world doesn’t welcome my words

  When they contradict the norm

  My mouth stays tight and silent

  As words spoken would lead to a storm

  As I bind my words away

  Convinced silence protects me

  Am I leaving others to suffer

  By denying them our community

  Cowardice and self-preservation

  Are siblings of the same fame

  I don’t know what is truly right

  But I live quietly, all the same.

  2022-07-12

  Poem, poetry

  ---

• trustworthiness

  An elusive thing, trust

  Sometimes fragile gift 

  Sometimes stuborn blindness

  Sometimes trained by suspicion 

  So easy to break and hard to repair

  We expect it even when we destroy it

  It comes with conditions and expectation

  With all our internal failings and flaws

  Is it human to trust or even be trustworthy?

  2022-07-05

  Poem, poetry

  ---

• style of kindness

  As you stand in the distance

  Your sight is offended

  You declare I am rude

  You simply do not approve

  You know a better way to be

  But I’ve only embarrassed myself

  Standing seperate from the crowd

  Being awkward or wierd or cringy

  Whether close or seperate from you

  Those things are mine to be

  Why does it matter so much

  Others perceptions as they see

  How am I hurting the world

  What am I inficting on you

  What does your derrise do for me

  Maybe I should have an opinion of you

  Judging other is a terrible accessory

  You should wear more compassion 

  If you want to truly be in style

  Focus on you, instead of criticizing me.

  2022-06-28

  Poem, poetry

  ---

• No replacing lived experience

  An exercise in school

  They put me in a blindfold

  An attempt to educate

  It was like a backstage pass

  I got to peek behind the curtain

  A brief glimpse into another life 

  But there was no length in my stay

  Removing the blindfold returned my sight

  Years later I dated a blind man

  He was into judo, I had chronic fatigue

  Both disabled but in such different ways

  I had vision and he had energy

  We told each other our stories 

  We were close as partners can be

  But I could only know what he told me

  He couldn’t know what my insides feel like

  No words can replace lived experience.

  2022-06-21

  Poem, poetry

  ---

• hot consent

  Don’t pull my hair

  And slap me with a silly grin

  That’s called assault, not flirting

  No one is owed intimacy

  Bodies aren’t land to be conquered 

  Touch without consent is an invasion

  Boys are only boys

  When no one calls them out

  We all know the subtle cues of pain

  Girls understand civil behavior

  Why are men allowed explosive emotion

  As women suppress their tears

  Guys don’t like these new rules

  Maybe time for some castration laws

  Maybe dicks can be public property, too.

  2022-06-14

  Poem, poetry

  ---

• The lie of doctor patience

  Doctors are taught that patients lie

  So, they don’t believe what I tell them

  Because I don’t fit into what they believe

  If my experience contradicts their knowledge

  Then they deem my experience wrong

  So, I bend the truth to fit into their narrative

  Much like I hide my pain from the public

  And I try not to overburden my loved ones

  I tell the doctor what they want to hear

  I minimize my story, focus on right now

  No muddy mention of my past

  No curiosity of my own condition

  I hide my education and persistence

  I let the doctor solve the mystery alone

  So they can win at the puzzle of me.

  2022-06-07

  Poem, poetry

  ---

• Doctors make me cry

  Anxious, I arrive at the appointment 

  I want to believe it will be different

  Maybe they won’t dismiss me

  Maybe they’ll listen this time

  Afterwards, I sit in the car and cry

  Because they’re so predictable 

  Medical school teaches them we lie

  Insurance decide how they can help

  And I don’t fit their medical model

  I’m a complicated case

  With too many ongoing symptoms

  So I only go when it’s bad

  When my symptoms are acute

  Because I need them to believe me

  Because sick is my everyday

  But my truth is never enough

  It doesn’t convince their authority 

  I walk away dissatisfied 

  Tears crashing down from my eyes.

  2022-05-31

  Poem, poetry

  ---

• I survived today

  Some days life hurts

  And today included pain

  In a terrible wave it hit me

  It was awful and it overwhelming 

  I suffered with eyes closed

  A moment felt like forever

  I thought it might never end

  But then the wave passed

  And it still hurt, but less so

  I was grateful for the smaller pain

  And eager for the end of today

  Because tommorow is a new day

  Because some days life doesn’t hurt.

  2022-05-24

  Poem, poetry

  ---

• not my potential

  It’s not our job to see potential in others

  We are not tasked with improving them

  If they didn’t ask to be mentored

  Or request our guidance in changing

  It’s not fair to mold them to our expectation

  To try and change someone for our needs

  The belief that manipulation can be good

  That we are doing what’s best for them

  Thats stealing their chance to choose

  Abusing throught lies and obfuscation 

  They deserve to make their own mistakes

  To be autonomous in their decision

  To be a person that doesn’t serve our needs

  Growth and evolution is a personal journey

  Only I can choose to change me

  And they should get the same oportunity.

  2022-05-16

  Poem, poetry

  ---

• Speaking freely

  I let my tongue wag loose

  Free to say whatever it wants

  I speak comfortably and confidently 

  You can be impressed by my esteem

  Or you can recognize my folly

  Sometimes I make a fool of myself 

  I mess up what I’m trying to say

  I say things in a very wrong way

  That us the cost of a free tongue

  Actions have consequences 

  And my tounge lives with regrets.

  2022-05-10

  Poem, poetry

  ---

• cruel animal

  Humans are born with

  Compassion and kindness

  So how do we lose them

  Where do they go

  Is it a lack of nurture

  Or the harsh lessons of life

  Removing our nature of care

  Turning us into jaded adults

  We end up keeping pain alive

  Passing on perceived harm

  We nurture the worst part of us

  We can be such cruel animals.

  2022-05-03

  Poem, poetry

  ---

• The body I have

  I could envy a healthy body and sound mind

  But I’d have to make up a story

  A fiction of what it must be like

  Because I’ve never had those things

  I don’t want to pine away for the imagined

  What is the value in such fantasy

  Snake oil salesmen may claim otherwise

  But there’s no path to an easy cure

  This is the body I was born to and live in

  I’ve spent a lifetime learning my limitations

  I may be curious about another experience

  To be in a body that does what is expected

  But I refuse to live with envy

  I refuse to imagine myself into hate.

  2022-04-26

  Poem, poetry

  ---

• unsolicited opinion

  Your opinion is an uninvited guest

  I didn’t open the door for you to say anything

  Don’t sneak it in as a compliment

  Or an underhanded attempt to share

  Acting like you’re all white picket fences

  Next to my abandoned fixer upper

  I’m not looking to get your buy in

  My life isn’t an open house

  I’m not looking to buy your wares

  My face is a no solicitors sign

  So, stop being a nosy neighbor

  We certainly don’t live on the same street

  Because I don’t barge into random houses

  I focus on my own life, I tend my own house

  If I want an opinion, if I’m looking for advice,

  Give me the chance to ask for it.

  2022-04-19

  Poem, poetry

  ---

• identity first

  Policing my language

  When I speak of my identity

  Is simply unacceptable 

  The culture may decree

  Whatever it wants about words

  But I decree what is true for me

  You may think you know better

  But I get to choose what I call myself

  If you can dare to listen to my words

  If you decide to respect my choice

  I might believe your trying to understand

  I might believe you care about I.

  2022-04-11

  Poem, poetry

  ---

• Curiosity Denied

  Curiosity liked to stroll the streets

  Eager to know their neighbors

  One days Curosity noticed a new house

  Privacy was out mowing its lawn

  Privacy saw earnest Curiosity in the distance 

  Privacy went inside and drew the curtains

  Curiosity rushed to the unfamilar door

  Curiosity turned the knob, but it was locked

  Curiosity was used to strolling in, uninvited

  But Curiosity was also a bit of a flake

  And once interest warned, Curiosity left

  Other neighbors coped in their own ways

  Intimacy didn’t find Curiosity reliable

  Often annoyed by their inconsistancy

  Curiosity didn’t really respect Boundaries

  Even when Boundaries built a gate

  Curiosity just climbed right over it

  So now Boundaries avoided Curiosity

  But Privacy was new and interesting

  Curiosity called out, pounding at the door

  Privacy persistently didn’t answer

  Curiosity got louder, demanding to be let in

  Night rolled in and finally Curiosity left

  In the dark of night, Privacy stepped outside

  Boundaries walked down the dim street

  Boundaries stopped in eyesight of Privacy

  Boundaries waited for Privacy to wave

  A bit later, Intimacy walked down the street

  Privacy looked for Boundaires blessing

  Feeling reassured, Privacy waved at Intimacy

  Standing outside, in companionable silence,

  They felt bad about excluding Curiosity

  But not bad enough to invite Curiosity over

  So the three new friends went inside

  And Privacy locked the door behind them.

  2022-04-05

  Poem, poetry

  ---

• Doctors are the villian in my story

  As a kid, I coughed until I threw up my dinner

  Screamed from painful ear infections

  Spend school lunch in the nurses office

  Wet my pants heading for the toilet

  As a preteen, they sent me to a psychiatrist

  To sort out my runny nose and cough

  The psychiatrist told me to “do better”

  To stop making my mom’s life hard

  As a teen, the truant officer came to the door

  Mom told me to go to school achy

  The school wouldn’t take her notes anymore

  Wait until the nurses office sent me home

  As an adult, my boss told me to show up

  Coworkers got mad when I came to work sick

  Doctor wrote me a note with an end date

  But I was still sick when I returned to work

  I’m old now and Doctors blame my age

  To few symptoms and they ignore me

  To many symptoms and they dismiss me

  If I wait too long to visit they shame me

  What I’ve learned is that doctors make me cry

  I don’t expect to be healthy anytime soon

  But I’m pretty good at surviving while ill 

  Expert level at hiding my sick.

  2022-03-29

  Poem, poetry

  ---

• Closed to the public

  You don’t get to decide 

  If my truth holds merit 

  Your curiosity isn’t owed

  Just because I’m different 

  You have no right to my story

  My privacy is a closed door

  You don’t deserve an explanation

  Just because I mentioned me

  If you really think you’re owed

  Then your priveledge is showing 

  The only thing you own is you

  I’m not giving tours to me today.

  2022-03-22

  Poem, poetry

  ---

• Atoms in this galaxy

  No more than ants to an elephant

  Or a spec of sand to the sun

  That us the only way I can see

  Comparing ourself in this universe

  Some propose a greater being

  A greater intelligence to design

  But then they have the hubris to think

  It speaks to us all, it listens to us all

  That it cares more for some than others

  My thoughts lean toward existential dread

  I dont think the galaxy speaks to me 

  There is no one tuned in to my silent pleas

  I can be grateful for my unique existence 

  And agnostic to my place in this universe.

  2022-03-15

  Poem, poetry

  ---

• my priveledge

  First world

  White middle class

  Well educated

  This is not bragging 

  This is my priveledge 

  I didn’t earn these

  I am not superior

  These are my benefits

  My unfair source of power

  I wish I could share them

  But all I can do is be aware

  That I have things others don’t

  Removing the barriers I can

  And admitting my bias 

  This isn’t fair or right

  It’s just the world I live in.

  2022-03-08

  poetry

  ---

• Carrying these under eye bags

  When allergies bruise my face

  With deep set racoon eyes

  Meds only help so much

  Only time and sleep can fix

  The curse my body lives with

  These puffy, achy pains of existing

  Doing too much or doing to little

  There is no win, only compromise

  I avoid what I can and live moderately

  But yesterday the world beat me me up

  And now my body’s bullied into submission

  These deep purple circles under my eyes

  Tell me today I need to rest.

  2022-03-07

  Poem, poetry

  ---

• uninspired

  A fine whine comes at the time

  When inspiration is in decline

  I use fire to fuel my brain

  Fill the furnace with my pain

  Wait for the watched pot to boil

  Hold my breath until it uncoils 

  Step away to let it simmer

  Smoke’ll let me know when it’s dinner.

  2022-03-01

  Poem, poetry

  ---

• hurt feelings

  It’s true my feelings are my own

  And only I can choose to feel hurt

  But the shock is none the less

  When reality defies expectation

  A tone of cruel dismissal

  Harsh words swaddled in sweetness

  The unevenness stings sharply

  I feel hurt by what you aimed at me

  There is no opening to demand better

  To ask reason from a mouth that bruises

  At best I can choose to move on

  You have no say in my feelings.

  2022-02-22

  Poem, poetry

  ---

• Corporate dissonance

  Managers have to be the best

  They have to climb a ladder

  Compete to get to the top

  Disability is a disadvantage

  We are trying to survive

  We innately don’t fit in

  Reasonable accommodation

  Requires disability to expose need

  To get assistance we have to ask

  We have to explain our weakness

  This corporate paradigm

  The culture of management

  Conflicts with the reality of disability

  It’s like expecting wolves

  To see the sheep’s point of view

  And then stubbornly confused 

  when the wolf sees the sheep

  As a meal when it’s time for dinner.

  2022-02-15

  Poem, poetry

  ---

• rare collectibles

  Extroverts collect friends

  They must have them all

  Introverts search for rare

  They want that perfect match

  Is it better to care for the world

  Or restrict to the right fit

  Who can say what works right

  Except for each one of us.

  2022-02-08

  Poem, poetry

  ---

• Maybe different isn't unique

  I’m ordinary and special, as are we all

  Not superior, as some think I claim

  I stand out as much as I choose

  Sometimes not hiding from view

  My truth is defined by myself

  It isn’t up for debate or editorial

  Long as I’m not causing intentional harm

  I am worthy of my life in this world

  Others may have limited perspective

  Drawing a clear box around their existence 

  I wish I could coax them out to see

  But theirs isn’t my choice to make

  I believe minutia means there is more

  The details make this world interesting

  So I’m going to enjoy this life I get

  My tiny bit of time in this universe.

  2022-01-25

  Poem, poetry

  ---

• everyday hurts

  Wailing aches

  Screaming pains

  My body yells a story

  It loudly complains 

  Like a whining infant

  My body doesn’t care

  The world infects me

  Through the evil air

  In the food I eat

  Just sitting here

  Can’t escape malaise

  Can’t make me better

  Existence isn’t fair.

  2022-01-18

  Poem, poetry

  ---

• cringe

  I may make you uncomfortable

  With the way I wear myself

  Daring to be awkward and rude

  Speaking my oddly personal truth

  Showing off my imperfect art

  Refusing to hide my broken body

  Maybe it’s cringy to be me

  I wish for you my self esteem.

  2022-01-11

  Poem, poetry

  ---

• deep or a above

  Being the biggest root

  Doesn’t make you a leaf

  A leaf soaks it up the sun

  Living idly in the soft wind

  Us roots are underground 

  Deep in the dark dirt

  A serf to the whole of the tree

  We serve the same master

  But we aren’t in the same place

  We can’t always escape our position

  But we can be aware of it.

  2022-01-04

  Poem, poetry

  ---

• suffer the introvert

  Mingling is abhorrent

  Torture of the introvert

  A room full of strangers

  Filling space with polite words

  As if the air shouldn’t be empty

  Awkward introductions

  Iike a poorly timed cold call

  Leading to stilted exchanges

  The funny ones perform

  And the shy ones hover

  And I just sit in my corner

  Waiting for the gathering to end.

  2021-12-28

  Poem, poetry

  ---

• entitled

  Entitled is a companion of priveledge

  A mistaken belief that the world is fair

  An accusation suggesting there is a right

  But the world is a complex system

  And there is no proven design

  We’re a cog in this invisible machine

  Can’t predict when a wrench is thrown in

  Or unexpected deviation from the norm

  The metaphoric world doesn’t care

  You may have support to stop your suffering 

  But that bring us back to priveledge

  Priveledge isn’t the world being right or fair

  This is the world tilted in your favor

  Entitlement is the belief that tilt is owed.

  2021-12-21

  Poem, poetry

  ---

• value of a penny

  Capitalism and colinization

  Fancy words for money and power

  We own, and merge, and buyout

  Then promote the owners like it’s a gift

  Appropriate what we can’t destroy

  Destroy the parts that don’t get along

  Bland consumerism is the peak

  Thinking our entitled selves are unique

  A few live on the work of many

  The many suffer the value of a penny.

  2021-12-07

  Poem, poetry

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